devonnemcclure's Journal

Why am I doing this?
Thursday, July 3, 2008 | A Sad story

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1. 

   Time for bed 9 cigarrettes left.

   
   

   devonnemcclure

2. 

   Should I smoke 1 more to even it out and make it 8?

   
   

   devonnemcclure

3. 

   Nope I'm going to bed.Good gawd damn nite.

   
   

   devonnemcclure

4. 

   7/3/08
   I have 2 cigarrettes left and I already feel like screaming.I had a horrible day at work.I requested the monday off after the fourth of July a month ago.So in the mean time I made 2 doctors appts for that day.By the way they squeezed me in and my fiance took the day off too.He said he was going to be driving Miss Devonne(driving miss daisy).Now I have to work because the person that could have filled in for me has to do paperwork.I am sooo pissed.Did I say I only had 2 cigarrettes left?Oh and I asked my dr for some welbutrin and they told me I may have increased agitation.You think.I haven't it taken 1 pill and I'm so beyond agitated.

   
   

   devonnemcclure

5. 

   You know we all have these nasty thoughts while we are quitting and the first three days are the worst. you can make it through. IT WILL GET EASIER>

   
   

   Athenean

6. 

   This is the first time I have ever posted in dailystrength, so bear with me :-) I am actually not a smoker, but I am trying to understand my partner.... sorry I radomly picked where to put a comment.... couldn't find anything that applied ... this seemed to be the closest. Soooooooo.... my question (story first).... when I met my live-in partner (since March) he smoked occasionally. I would never have considered a relationship if he had been a full-fledge smoker (good reason...please bear with me) as he would not have considered me since I was a non-smoker. So, things were ok, until he got back to full-fledge smoking. I have terrible asthma. The cigarettes are aggrivating it something fierce. I have been in emergency at the hospital twice in the last month and am on predisone. Everytime he smokes it aggrivates my asthma. He does smoke outside, but the smell clings onto him. Also our sex life has been affected cause I have asthma attacks and well.... you know what won't happen for me as a result! (can you see me turning red?) and then he can't wait to jump off of me to get his cigarette. I feel like the cigarette is the other woman? He will not consider the patch or taking medication because of the cost. So, is there any chance for us.... does he love cigarettes more than me? Is the addiction that strong? Please help me understand?! Other than this everything else is great for us; we are total soulmates, but I am afraid this will be the breaking point. :-(

   
   

   sisterofthemoon

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