lmfclcls's Journal

My 3 year old dog, who was my absolute best friend and companion had to be euthanized yesterday after a sudden and totally unexpected paralysis. 

Saturday night at 10 pm. we were playing ball in the house like we do every night.  He stopped playing and walked to the kitchen door and sat in front of it as if he needed to go out to go to the bathroom.  I got up to let him out and he would not get up.  I nudged him with my foot and he began to cry out loud and have almost seizure like behavior.  I reached down and grabbed him and he could not move any part of his body from his front shoulders back - he was half paralyzed.

Kirby was a 130 pound South African Boerboel so me with a spinal cord injury and broken back could NOT pick him up.  In a panic I took the largest blanket I had and wrapped him in it and dragged him out the house, down the stairs and to my car.  My daughter helped me get him into the back seat.

I rushed him to the emergency clinic.  They came out and took him out of the car on a stretcher and brought him inside.  They confirmed that he in fact was paralyzed in his back side but did not have the technology needed to perform a diagnosis as to why.

They told me I had to take Kirby to Tufts University in Boston Mass for a Mylogram and MRI.  They put him in the car for me and I drove the 2.5 hours to Boston - we arrived at 2 a.m. Sunday Morning.

At 4 a.m. the vet finally came out and said that the tests showed kirby had suffered an FCE or Fibrocartilaginous Embolism in his spinal cord.  This is something that happens in dogs where a small part of bone or disc brakes off, travels down the spinal cord and becomes lodged and blocks all blood flow to the second half of the body.  It happens suddenly, there is no known cause and is not treatable by any type of surgery.  By the time the symptoms show - the damage is permanent.

The outcome was that he would never be able to use his back legs again and never be able to control his bladder or bowels again.  He would be a 130 pound dog unable to walk who would need to be turned over every hour and need to have his catheter and coloscopy bag changed every 4 hours.  Obviously, there was no way I could physically or financially care for him so I had to make the decision to euthanize him.  As I walked away, he just stared at me and cried as if to say please dont leave me, i'm scared and in pain.  It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. 

The entire time we were driving to boston I kept tellling him over and over it was going to be ok and I would do anything humanly possible to save him at any expense and sadly enough, he had a condition that was not able to be fixed.

I feel totally lost and devastated.  Kirby was the one thing that made me feel safe.  He was incredbily gentle and loyal but at the same time was the best watch dog I've ever known.  He picked things up for me when I dropped them, layed beside me when I was in pain.  Let me lean on him to walk when I could not move well.  He was my daily support and now he's gone.

The total vet bill came to over $5,000.00 for which I wrote a bad check that has already bounced.  They required payment before they would do the mylogram or MRI and there was no way I was going to let money stop me - so I made the choice to write a bad check.

I hurt my back quite bad dragging him to the car - not sure what the damage is there.

The end result is I had to make the choice to allow my best friend in the world to be put to sleep, I've injured my back, wrote a bad check in the amount that counts as a felony that I cant cover, i've lost the dog that helps me all day, lost my feeling of security and I feel totally devastated.

All i've been doing is crying and vomitting.  I had one of the worse migraines i've ever had.  I just dont know how to go on.  10 months ago I had to put my other dog down after liver failure and 11 months ago, my 5 year old cat died in my arms after a brain tumor.

I've become disabled and lost 3 pets all in the last 12 months.  Its just more than I can take.