Join Now
kharker 
Thanks to both of you Inka and Anita. I couldn't take the silence any longer and I called my sister last night. She said that she has many things going on that she is worried about most of all me. She said that she had told someone her feelings about what was going on with me in confidence and she was hurt that they told me and that she took it out on me. I still am very hurt that she would even think that I should give up, but we are working things out. She has never been the one to have to take care of someone else and this is a new role for her. This is a new rold for me also as I have always been the one to handle a crisis. If the roles were reversed I would drop everything to do what I could to help her through this,but I don't wish this on anyone. I guess that I need to find the strength to help her through all of this, because I'm not ready to give up.
Love and hugs to you
Kathy
Comments
I have three grown up children and though they do their best for me, I find that I am taking great care to help them to deal with this. People that we are closest to, don't automatically know what to do for the best, especially if we don't tell them what we would like from them.. I am also the one that took care of everyone, so it's doubly difficult for everyone to know what to do for me. I get the greatest understanding from the women here, which isn't surprising when you think about it. Coping with the reaction of others towards us with this illness is a big part of learning to cope with it.. It's good that you are talking and very clear that your sister cares deeply about you.. But she will have her own way of showing that.. Perhaps if we hadn't taken care of things all along they might be better at it when we need them.. the love between you is the most important thing, as with that you will work things out.. Huge love and hugs to you both.. Inka xxx
Halli
Kathy, I am so glad that you are feeling better. I am sure in time your sister will come around and be as supportive as you need her to be.
anitaama
Hi Kathy, Inka always says things so well...I agree that those who love us the most are having their own hard time dealing with everything that is going on with us. I've talked about these issues a little in therapy and it's been very helpful. Other people's reactions beyond family is also interesting. Once in the doctor's office I read something from Randy Pauch (he wrote The Last Lecture) and he said that it is important to be "forgiving" towards friends and family. I've found that this is a good attitude to have towards people. Perhaps one of the "good" things about having cancer is that we sometimes have opportunities to grow closer to those we love. I am so glad you called your sister. I don't know what it's called but I'm sure what you did was emotionally healthy and it sounds as though your sister responded.
Keep warm and safe - I'll talk to you soon.
JanetXXX
IUPUI
Talking about the things people's reactions.. a woman said to me 'I suppose this cancer business has taken over your life' She said this after giving me and Ela a run down of all her latest exciting projects.. I thought she was being sarcastic and put her in her place (a bit) . But thinking about it now, I realise, maybe, she just didn't know what to say or how to phrase it and that it all came out wrong for her.
Halli
Hi Kathy,
I feel silly because I entered comments under your post from thursday, not realizing you had this update. I am thrilled you called your sister. She sounds like she's petrified, yet, I relate to how this effects YOU. As survivors I have found that I am only responsible for my emotional reactions to others--no matter who they are. Some people take longer to adjust to having "cancer" in their lives, and some people walk away. I have had both experiences. I have learned that I must be "my own cheerleader" (as one of our other group sister often says)..although, those most important to us remain in our hearts, sometimes, I have found it necessary to open up to new people in my life for love--for example: I have developed a rather close relationship with two people who work at my Cancer Center. I meet them when their off-duty, and we share all kinds of things. This helps me immensely, and I am not as compelled to seek comfort from people who can't handle my cancer. I am worthy of needed support. It took me awhile to understand what was going on with some folks. I sort of expected people to run to my aid when I was diagnosed--boy, I was way off track......I hope you're feeling well today.
love and purrs,
rhoda & scottie
RhodaM
Thanks Rhonda and everyone
Things are better with my sister. You have all been such a great help and my friends are so great about supporting me. I know that some don't know what to say or do. Sometimes I really don't know what I want them to say or do to help me through all of this. I spoke with a friend of mine last night she is a chaplin at the hospital where I used to work. I told her that I had thought about calling her a few weeks ago when I needed spiritual comforting, but because I was afraid that all I would do was cry I didn't call instead I called a friend that is a Minister He helped but I think that he had a hard time dealing with me because I was crying so much. She told me that if I felt that way again to call her and she would listen to me cry and help me get through this. What wonderful friends I have that they will let me cry and then offer assistance to get me through this. This is just too difficult to go through alone. Talking to all of you is also helpful because we are all in this together.
Love you all
Kathy
kharker