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juceey 
4:08pm, May 16, 2009
Ok she's off again!!!!!!!Well as I said if you see a rock you just know there will be a hard place,and once you know there are both a rock AND a hardplace then at some point between the two you'll find me,curled up in a ball,hugging my knees,eyes squeezed tightly shut,just wishing I was anywhere else in the world.BUT when I take a peek out of one eye,it's all still there only now I am surrounded by bloody rocks and stinking hardplaces!!!!
The eternal and universal 'WHY?' is screamed from within but it is never heard OR is it just never answered???????
Oh dear can things get more complicated???? Are there any more nasty suprises out there just waiting to put me between yet another one of those rocks and never ending hardplaces?????I would dearly love to gather all those huge,grey rocks and fling them wildly at the hard places and let them all sort themselves out!!!!!!
WHAT??????? Oh come on I'm sure that I can't be the only person here who feels like this????How long must I sit here,eyes shut,screaming before someone...anyone notices me,actually takes note and realises that if you only give people rocks eventually you will get hit by them when they are being thrown back at you?????
OK now I know I need to count my blessings,and yes there are many and I am,in most ways,a fortunate soul with many things to be thankful for and I am truly thankful.
But I just feel almost damned if I do and damned if I don't,so do I do or do I don't as either way someone will be unhappy??Is it best that this someone is always me,therefore I am protecting all the other someones,as I feel that I should 'cos that's what a good parent/partner/friend/daughter should do???Should I suffer to ease the suffering of all those that I care about????OR is it better,just sometimes,to let them own their own suffering???????And WHY(there's that bloody why again!!)do I feel that it is ok for me to,not take but be burdened,almost,with what is rightfully their guilt,anger,stress,confusion,selfishness and yet NO ONE wants my pain,my anger,my guilt,my feelings,my emotions,my self....ME?????
OK I guess that's that sorted then(ok NOT!!!) But being honest here('cos that's me and how I am)I don't suppose it will ever be 'sorted' for any of us!!!!!! I'm off now thanks for letting me ramble and rant and If you did make it this far THaNK YOU xxx
Comments
Of course I made it all the way thru. That's what friends are for and do!! YOU have to do what feels right for you, sometimes mistakes are meant to be made. To teach them right from wrong, I understand though about no one seeming to know how you feel or how are you, and honestly I can't answer that cause I haven't gotten MYSELF past that point. But I'm here if you need me my friend, maybe we can get each other through.... love ya, HUGS
LKROARK
LOL! I made it that far ... I would make it ANY LENGTH for you, dear friend. Yes, we keep getting hit in the head with the small rocks that surround us and our BIGGER rocks -- that have us pinned!
Well, i am here for you .... as much as that can help! I am in between my OWN rock and hard place but SURPRISE yours is right next to mine!! So we can hold hands and help each other through these AWFUL times.
It is OK to feel angry and sad and down ... your friends are here to be with you during these rough times, to listen to you and then to hold you up (with MUFFINS and LATTES!!!! And cuddily little stuffed teddies!!).
Tamara999
Sorry things are rough at the moment honey if you need a natter you have my number and I can always pop over if you need it. Just shout and rant away always helps to get it out. Big cuddly hugs x
lisa1979