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juceey 
4:08pm, May 16, 2009
Oooooooooohhhh boy I just don't understand why things are getting to me like they are,the simlist of things seems to have me in a right state.I feel sooo tired and angry at everyone and everything and the angrier I get the more stressed I become and then the pain just gets worse and worse.It's such a crap place to be right now but I think I am stuck here for a while longer,it's not that I want to be here,OH NO I so do NOT want to be here,so why is it so damn hard to get out of here,to get away from here,to get back to ME????????????????
I so don't want to be amid a pity fest as that just seems to make it so much worse when you get that awful pitying reaction from people,why can they not realise I am still ME?????????????
I am hoping things do get somewhat better,PLEASE feel free to reassure me on this one !!!!!!!
I just can't seem to make those close to me understand that I am still here,still ME inside,I don't need to be patronized or pitied,I just need understanding,and the realisation that I find it hard to do all the things that I used to or cope with things the way I used to and need understanding that this is the worst of it for me...not the fact that I can't do,physically,the things that I could do but the change of mental attitude towards this bloody thing.
Ok,ok I hear you all and I know that the first step to coping with this is accepting it...well I don't have much choice on that one do I??It's here and that's that,so I am on that one.
I also know that I have to make changes to my life and this gives rise to knock on effects to the rest of my family,but hell this isn't about them,they only have to visit the effects briefly when it suits them,they don't have it 24 7 NO CHOICE.
Ok yes somedays aren't so bad and some days are REALLY bad but it is there everyday,with it's little(or not so little)reminders,it likes to let you know it's there huh??!!??
Well I am ok with it (most of the time) I deal with it and get on with life,sometimes I want to scream,shout and rant and rave,just to let it all out and show EVERYONE just how I,(yes ME)Feel about it.
OK I would like to say thanx,if you made it this far and just to say I am OK deep down I am angry and frustrated and want it go away,but I do know and accept it won't so how about this????
I AM ME AND I AM A SURVIVOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like me and accept me or don't and leave me alone!!!!!!!!!
Comments
Honey .... are you trying to do too much?? Are you??
Are you placing too much pressure on your sweet lovable self? I am NOT trying to blame you here. I just know how much YOU LOVE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON. I also know how much YOU LOVE TO DO EVERYTHING!
Deep down you might be angry at yourself -- placing all these expectations on sweet sweet juceey and not being able to keep pace with what you want to do. Can you let one thing go? Two things go? Three things?
Can you let Sibohan (spell ....) do something? Anthony? Your Mum or other family members?
HONEY LET GO!!! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO IT ALL! In fact, to enjoy this season, you shouldn't!!!
I give juceey permission to step back and do NOTHING! If just for one minute.
See how good that feels?? Take in a deep breath! Smell the pine of that Christmas tree. Smell the hot chocolate with marshmallows I have just brought to you. Put your feet up. Feel the tingle in your toes.
THIS is the way to survive -- not to work yourself to death but to slow down, sit in a coffee house with your loved ones by your side and enjoy the season.
Love you ...... everything is PERFECT, honey, just as it is! Especially you.
xxxxxxxx
Tamara999
LET GO AND LET GOD........His shoulders are big & they are there for you. I just came through a very tough time so i know he can help you too...
Hugs, Deb
heick
WoW, I think we have all been where you are right now. And we all still go there from time to time. This is my favorite time of year to. And all I want to do is be out putting up all of my lights MY way!! But I know I can't do it anymore. So I will go out and order someone on how I want it done. I am the boss now!! Insted of working up a sweat I make someone else do it for me. Yeah I loved to do it but it just hurts me to bad to do it anymore. But that doesn't stop me from enjoying the Christmas season or anything else in my life.I agree with Tamara999 sit back and enjoy some of that hot chocolate!! We all Love Ya!! Your Friend Traci((HUGS))XOXOXOXOXO's
pepsiaddict77