juceey's Journal

WOW,

I have obviously not suffered enough as yet in my short,but Long,hard and hell(at times) life.

I truly thought that this was my time,my turn to shine and to be seen,loved and happy!!!! Well I really could not have been any more wrong could I???
I am sure that it is not as bad as it feels right now,and I know that I am blessed to have 3 beautiful and healthy children and 2 step children and a roof over my head and some true,wonderful,dear,sweet friends I truly do know this and this also makes me feel so low and guilty for feeling so crappy.

I just feel as though I am stuck in a groundhog day...........

I have to go through the same things every single day and yet at the same time I am loosing a little piece of ME each day.......

I hope I am not alone in this and yet I wouldn't want anyone else to be feeling like this!! Oh good grief I am a little confudled and addled and don't really know what or how I feel right now!!!

I can't seem to think straight,my words come out totally wrong and muddled,and yet in my head I know exactly what I am trying to say??

I am also fed up at home,can't drive due to pain and the meds,can't work for same reasons,my mind is shot,I have very little or no memory,I have to travel to the hospital twice a week,run the house and keep the family ticking over as 'normally' as possible!!!!!!!!!!

And when things get too much I bottle it up and bottle it up until it all just explodes out me and then I am exhausted and in mega pain BUT nothing changes and this seems to be the cycle of my life right now :(

I try to explain calmly and quietly but that doesn't work either,if I have a no can do day the whole house just grinds to a halt,nothing for dinner,no ones buys milk,no washing is done etc,etc..................

I guess this is all a bit muddled and confused and I am maybe over reacting to some things BUT this is how I feel!!!!!!!!!!!

Luvs to you all and thanx for the sanctuary that this site is for me........................