juceey's Journal

I am so incredibly tired,my parents have been away for the week and came back yesterday about midnight.

Consequently I have had to manage the school runs,housework,shopping,laundry  and the rest on my own,so here I am now so so so tired and hurting like I do because of this.

Well,know what ????They haven't even bothered to pick the phone up and ask how I've been or how I am,NOTHING........OK maybe the tiredness and the pain are getting to me and I am just being rather unkind,or uncaring that I am obviously expected to go running to them and have to listen to what a wonderful week they have had and how great they feel for all that rest(it's a long and sorry tale that Ihave neither the energy nor the inclanation to recount just now,But my parents and I have an odd and strained relationship,and while they do much when it suits them it is a recent turn of events and does not erase the memories of the stollen and beaten childhood)ANYHOOOOOOW...........

This does leave me feeling as though I could say 'Hey look I may be on my knees now but I did it yeah I DID IT on my own and so I will carry on doing it MYSELF and surviving rather than living but hey'

My partner,who can be wonderful,is after all a man and (not meant as a generalized  reflection on the male population)just doesn't comprehend or see things that we see or even see them in the same way.It takes just as much effort to have to explain to him what needs doing and then explaining how it needs to be done and I may as well just do it myself!!!!!!

So really on top of being totally worn out both physically,emotionally and mentally I am sooooo p****d at my parents for not giving a s**t about me which makes me feel really c**p about myself.

My partner has been really rather thoughtless today and is now huffing,puffing and skulking because he has finally realised that I am p****d at him too!!!!

AAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH why do I have to feel so sodding tired and why do I have to hurt soooooooooo darn much???????

The kids went swimming this morning and then they decided to go ice skating this afternoon and I was the one at home because I can't do either of those things at the moment and I can't even drive to run them to these different things so was left feeling kinda useless and a bit of a failure and deserted,as I made lunch for everyone,did laundry,prepared dinner for them all and baked brownies and choca mocha cake for them all,as well as wash up etc...........

Am now fighting to keep awake long enough to take my next lot of meds before I can crawl into bed and crash.

I love all of you here,

Thanx for giving me the time and the space to get all of this out,

Thanx for not judging me or chastising me

Thanx for being there and being you  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx