superblitz78's Journal

I feel like life has left me to die in a very confined part of space. I have children and try hard to do better for them, but there is no hope. I am an artist by nature, and was my whole life when there was nothing else, I still had this to occupy my time and stray my thoughts of negative influnece. Today I have realized that I am no longer able to even focus on that aspect of my life, I sleep all day as my kids destroy our home. I try to push throuh, but then i am curious why? Why do I keep going? I know in the end it is for my children, everything I do is for my children, I married in a lovelless marraige for my children, I forsake my artistic goals for my children, and I wait for the day when my children are grown so I might be able to live again. It is not their fault, they are my life, and all I have known of love, I just feel so dead but yet do not even get the enlightment of death in the aspect of being apart from the world. I am trapped with no friends, and no one I can gut enough to be friends with. The more I look around me the more I ask myself what is the world coming to, there are never answers, only more questions. As a firm believer in God I ask myself where is he today? Does he not hear my cries? Have I or am I to vain, or evil for his love? Did I mistakenly do something so horraible that put me here, is there any way out? But again, no answers, only questions.