whiskeytangofoxtrot's Journal

I hate the constant emotional fluctuations that is my life.

Vegas was a nice break from reality for me at least. Our life has changed so drastically as everything we did was for me. I wish he would just get more joy out of life. We all worry and stress about things but you also have to know that it's ok to let go once in a while. And after 14 years of marriage and our very first real vacation together I would have thought he would have had more fun. I would love to go back with someone who enjoys life a little more in the future.

Ran into an old CDR from and old unit. I am blessed to work with the people that I do. I am in a great enviroment with truley great people. No matter the things I've gone through with my career this past year people, especially high ranking officers continue to make me feel worthy of my efforts and work. I am blessed.

The oldest is maturing so quickly lately. I love that fact that we sit and have little girl talks. She's been kissed!! And SHE told me like it was nothing. I am happy for her, proud of her and love her so much. I see her pulling away from her father emotionally though due to his constant negative attitude. I want to keep her close. I hope I am doing the right thing, she idolizes and loves him so much but hates his negative outlook on life. All I can do is keep guiding her I guess.

So help me god if one of those dogs shit in my house one more time, DH will find out how much of a bitch I really can be. His laziness has gotten the dogs back to laziness. I love those dogs and couldn't imagine life without them, but I will NOT tolerate it! And when he mentioned getting another one the other day, I told him, " I hope your new wife enjoys it" as a joke. Little does he know........

I've decided for right now I am going to concentrate on just making rank enlisted instead of persuing another option for Officer. I just dont even know if I want to be an Officer anymore. I am completely content with that at the moment. Exams are in February so it's time to start studying. :)

Im finding that the middle child(oldest Twin) is more and more like me. I see myself in her as she is trying to figure out who she is and what she wants out of life. Down to her style of dress, taste in music, friends, activities, likes and dislikes, etc. This amuses me as the DH has told me on more than one occasion he is wanting to watch her. He's concerned about her. Why? So she doesn't want to wear dresses, likes sports, can kick most of the boys asses, wants to stay natural and loves her rock and roll. Oh and is a Straight A student(just like me) This worries him and I find it absolutely hilarious because that is who I am and who I was when he met me and married me. Now he has a problem with it? So he doesn't want his daughter to be like me, his wife? Am I the only one that finds that odd?

THe weekend is here almost. Just a few more hours at work then Im free. I've made myself a to do list because so many little things at home have been bothering me, e.g. Stripping the beds, mopping floors, organizing dressers...lol   

He says he wants to do somthing then sleeps away all his free time.

He says he's working optional overtime to earn extra cash then reminds us all weekend when we want to do something that HE worked today.

He said he was going to sleep better once he was back on 1st shift, 2 months later, yesterday he says he's still trying to adjust to being on 1st shift. 

He says he wants to get back on the 'diet' again....sigh.....tomorrow

He says he wants to go to the gym, but can't because of his job and the type of work he does. I work 10 hours a day, 5 days a week and still go to the gym. I guess working in a shipyard means you can't?

We say we are going to buy that Harley in the Spring. We will! That's why you want to work 7 days a week, 10 hours a day again, when it's not mandatory.

You provide a decent life, home and food for our children. You'll buy me anything I want if you can. You'll do anything FOR me. How dare I get upset because you don't want to do things WITH me. After all, Im the reason you are killing yourself working the second most dangerous occupation in the world. Right?

Im going to go home and do what I want to do this weekend. I am going to accomplish some overdue tasks, spend some time with my ladies, drink a few beers probably, call a girlfriend who just got back home from overseas and generally hang out and enjoy me weekend. It's his choice if he wants to enjoy it with me, but DH, do NOT b*tch at me, if, when you wake up from one of your naps, and I am heavily involved in something, that I don't come running to you and give you all my time and attention at that very moment. And then continue to act like someone stepped on your puppy because me and the girls are laughing and enjoying life.

I don't care anymore, I haven't for a while, I've tried and thought we made progress, it appears only I have by getting things in the open. I gave them to you to use. It's your choice my love and it's become clear that you are who you are. I can't change that.

It's just a matter of time baby, you've given me my answer.