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whiskeytangofoxtrot 
11:16am Friday
So I thought I would be me totally right now. Im feelin it and I miss it. So here it is, a Friday night. Even the girls are tired of staring at the TV, I know I am! They have wandered off to their rooms doing whatever.
I went to the gym today. Went to the Commisary and got the groceries for the week. Even went to Goodwill and got the girls a few more shorts and workout clothes.
It's beatiful outside, perfect temperature, not raining, just a great summer night in the south.
So here I am, on a Friday night, full of energy f*ckin around on the computer because In my world there is nothing else I can do.
Would my girls care if I were not here until later tonite? No.
Would my girls care if I were on the phone with a friend or even had a freind over here hangin out? No
I am so hyper and so sick of sitting around on my ass because anything that I would want to do would not be acceptable to my husband. (Whom by the way, slept all day of course because he's working his 13th day in a row, and is now back at work again) (Because according to him we wouldn't survive without it, after all he's doing it for me, insert sarcasm)
I know it's wrong to think this while I am WITH someone but I sit and think of what would make me content right now. There are so many options.....If I could just get up and do what I want to do right now............
I could/would be.....having adult conversation with friends.........had dinner at a mexican place tonite......maybe gone out with a few friends on town...........maybe go for a drive down at the oceanfront just to people watch..........talkin to my girl on the phone for about 2 hours.........had a freind or two come over and sit out back by the fire just chillin.........Hell, why can't I be outside in the backyard chillin with my husband and possibly gettin some nookie.....Drivin my girls down to the beach to people watch.........Dancin my ass of with good friends and new friends........hell, theres a free concert downtown right now the girls would love to go to.......just go somewhere, live, experience, do something, anything but sitting here with computer on my lap.
***sigh**** It is absolutely ridiculous that I am bound to this house because HE would be so uncomfortable if I were out on town, with or without the girls. And doing something without the girls or him with friends is not an option. Because it is not right for me to have friends without him. Even though I could come up with numorous things free and sober, a wife(me) should never do anything without her husband, no matter what it is. I cant even talk on my phone for more than 20 minutes because he'll text me and if I don't check it and respond he'll call the house to see what the hell Im doing and why Im not answering my phone. (He's texted me twice since starting this and saying absolutely nothing)
Dear god, let me get back to work soon. So I can move forward and start living again. There is no reason for this.
UPDATED GOALS
End my Marriage
Progress 55%
Encouragements: 2
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Comments
As reading this I can't help but think you are feeling like a caged tiger looking for a hole in one of the links. I have to wonder though it may cause troubled waters why not go out and do those things. I mean I understand you don't because you don't want to rock the boat but you have to do what makes you happy. Maybe just tell him you are feeling restless and caged and that you want to experience more in life. Let him know that you would love it if he would join you in these experiences but one way or the other you want to live and experience different things. Now true he may feel hurt but it will either force him to "just get over it" or he will kick into gear realize what you want and he will try to change or compromise in meeting you half way to join you in those experiences. Don't cage yourself, this will only lead to resentment and regrets. Pursue your life, pursue your happiness. Don't stop living simply because you feel this is what he wants or even if it is what he told you he wants. He can't expect you to sit at home isolated with nothing to do but think of the should have, would have, could have beens. Try to explain to him that you need this. You want to try different things. You want to experience a different life. Now he can accept it and continue on his merry way or he can come with you and try to find a merrier way together.
4BooBoo