whiskeytangofoxtrot's Journal

Oh.My.God! Why does everything have to be so freakin complicated.

I am so calm and quiet without him around. I enjoy the stress-lessness of worrying about whether I will upset him or not.

He knows where I stand and I can tell he knows. His texts are not as annoying to me know as they are not in overabundance or sent with anxiousness. He was at least paying attention to that.

He is on 3rd shift now for a few weeks and just like I called it and told him how it would be he is not sleeping like he should, which has ALWAYS been an issue in our relationship. He should be coming home and sleeping in a quiet empty house while the kids are at school. He's not. He's sleeping for 3 hours then goes to sleep again in the evening. This is exactly what I don't want as now the kids just watch him sleep all the time too. I TOLD him he would do this and it's exactly what he is doing. It's not fair to them. People all over the world work 3rd shift and he only has to do it for 3 months. They live healthy restful lives too, you just have to manage your time properly. But of course, he won't because he won't take care of himself.

He is coming back up next weekend(not this weekend). I only want him to so I can get my truck and he can take his home. How horrible is it of me that all I want is my truck and not really to spend time with him.

I still believe we are done and I think he knows it, but I am trying trying trying to give him time to change my mind. I just don't know if he can.

My daughter is the BEST runner in the school. I'm so excited. I will have to go home for a bit just to witness it. Unfortunately that means I'll have to go home for a bit. But Im sooooooo freakin proud, and she hasn't even had any formal training. That coach teaches her to open her stride and she will be GONE! That's MY baby!

I HATE HATE HATE this cast on my leg. It is driving me absolutely insane. I HATE being bogged down and not able to do things. I swear I want to rip it off. All I know is it better freaking work in healing the tendons, beceause I need to start running again.

I miss my dogs!

I had to take my ring off again. For some reason when I wear it, I look down and see it, it makes me uncomfortable. I'm sorry.

I went to sleep last night at 630. I feel so good today. :) I needed that. And it's amazing how well Im sleeping too. Even though Im living in a dorm type situation, with other people. But I really am sleeping well, because no one is waking me up all hours of the night.

It is amazing what time alone can do for your mind, body and spirit. I think I will stay here as long as they will let me. They have already asked if I can stay longer than normal because they know Im a leader. I told them I would. I have to heal first anyway and need the income.

They will be completely discharging me from the service when I leave here just because its procedure for this program. I was scared but have confirmed it's not negative. I take total pride in being in the military and will do it as long as my body and my country will let me.  I have already contacted the recruiter and will be re-enlisting the day after they release me. Just paperwork, that's all. I hate technicalities. lol

He keeps texting me he misses me. I really don't miss him at all right now. And Im not telling him that I do because I will not play or lie to him anymore. I do tell him I love him, because I do.

Im hungry, I think it's time for chow.

Im in a weird mood today.

:)