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whiskeytangofoxtrot 
7:54am Yesterday
Well, the past few weeks have been quite enlightening to me. I have decided that once he is recovered from this surgury(if he ever does recover) and I finish my school(bout 6mts from now) I will know what I want. I will either stay or I will leave. I cannot spend the rest of my life with a man who doesn't want to live life to the fullest. Age is nothing, you are only as old as you want to be. I have too much life in me to be with someone who acts like they are 70 and wants to live like that too. Hell, I know 70 year old men that have more life in them than he does! Physically and mentally
I did it, I snapped....I have opened up to him and we have talked about how I feel. I told him straight up, no holds barred, that he has been a DICK to me since I got home. I spilled it all, how I felt and what he is doing to me. His reply......"oh I'm so mean, you're so abused".... Are YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!!!!
So as the days go on, I no longer sit and wonder what I've done wrong today or walk around on eggshells. If he acts pissed or annoyed I call him on it, if he don't answer I press. I am pointing this all out to him. I don't know if he is having an affair, I don't know if he just don't like me no more. I don't know anything about him anymore it seems. But what I do know is that I love him with everything that I am. I WILL NOT however, sit by and waste any more of my life hoping he will become full of life again or find himself again and give me back my husband.
I will simply chalk up 13 pretty good years of my life and move on. I love him, I don't want anything bad to happen to us but I am too strong of a woman to let him do this to me. I WILL NOT SETTLE for anything less.
I need and want a man that loves me and shows me he loves me. I need a man who wants to make love to me. Someone who smiles when he sees me and wants to share his thoughts with me. I know that all relationships have bumps, I know that none are princess perfect. Hell I don't want perfect. Im in the military, Im not even home like most women are. I just want a man who will want to be around me when I am around and for Christ Sake-Fuck me once in a while like you like it and not like its a chore.
Seriously, I am a dude's fucking dream woman! I don't care what you do..go fishin...go drink with the boys...hell, go to the titty bar(with or without me). I keep a clean house. And I LOVE sex, day, night, whatever. I don't do Martha Stewart crap, I hate shopping and all the guys love it when I hang out with them. And BTW, no I am NOT bad to look at either. Im just easy going and fun, and I cannot even begin to tell you how many opportunities I could have taken with other men, but I don't want them. I'll change the freakin oil, so you can take your nap. SERIOUSLY, this is not a joke! I just want to feel like you like to be around me though. Is that too much to ask for, because that's all I want.
Ok, so there it is, he has approximately 6 months to figure out what the hell he wants and start treating me better. If not, it's going to suck being a single mom, but at least I won't feel like shit everyday and wonder what is wrong with me. And then maybe I can get some real sex! Damn!
And that is a PROMISE!!
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I have started to read your journals and in some you sound like me and in some you sound like him... its weird maybe you are both me and my STBX. The question I have is though does he know he has this time limit you have placed before him and are you really giving him the opportunity to prove and change or are you simply biding your time until you get what you want to get dont. I was in the Military too I was in 12 years in the Army and my husband was in 15 years in the Navy. I got out before he did to show him it was okay for him to get out and that he would be able to get a job too. Now I think he has put him in a bad place in trying to adjust to the civilian life which hasn't helped him make the best choices.
4BooBoo
July 23rd. 2009. About one year later. I read this and I was sooo angry at him. Well That outburst I had with him did nothing. I know this now. He has gotten better with the way he talks to me but he still mopes, and sleeps and has the drive in life as if he doesn't care. Everything he does do is specifically for me and not for himself. This has not changed. I will be leaving, it's just a matter of when.
whiskeytangofoxtrot