emeraldskye's Journal

Well, where to start.  Last week, I went to the doctor because my cycle was messed up, probably from all the steroids injected into my body the last couple of years by my pain docs.  Anyway, at that time, I asked for my screening mammogram (age 35).  I got my appt. and had it done.  The next day, the mammogram center called to ask me to come back for some more views to be taken of a suspicious looking area.  I went back, and they couldn't decide with the extra views if it was okay or not, so they did an ultrasound.  Well, the ultrasound was not good either.  They scheduled me for an aspiration and possible biopsy this coming thursday, the 12th of February.  Meanwhile, today, I had to go for a pre-appointment that is supposed to decide whether or not I am eligible for doing radiofrequency based on short-acting numbing agents injected directly over nerves they identified in the neuralscan I had done recently.  I went in like always for my injections, a little apprehensive, but ok since I know they give me good sedatives at my regular pain doc.   Well, someone forgot to tell me that I would not be getting any sedatives for this procedure as it was important for me to be wide awake and alert the entire procedure.  OMG!!!  I freaked when the girl who usually injects my sedative just sat back and relaxed and I said, well, aren't you going to put some stuff in my IV?  She said, "oh, no, didn't they tell you, you don't get sedation for this."  Meanwhile, I'm on the table with my ass hanging out when I get this news.  I don't deal well at all with this kind of crap thrown at me and no time to absorb it.  Instantly my heart monitor went wild, and the tears started rolling down my face.  The doctor tried to ask me about my family to calm me down, asked if everyone was ok, but that was probably the last thing I wanted to talk about.  I started telling him about the biopsy I'm expecting in the next two days, and that I may have breast cancer to top it all off.  When I got off the table, that's when it all hit me really really hard.  I was furiously angry with anyone in my path and my anxiety level shot through the roof.  I started sobbing uncontrolably and screaming at the nurses.  They asked what they could do to help me and along with a few choice expletives, I told them if they weren't going to put any f****** valium or#$%*(#$*%#$  versed in my IV they could take the damn thing out.  I told them NEVER to surprise me again like that.  They suggested I was raising my blood pressure to a level too high when I shot back at them that they better be glad I'd recently been put on meds for that or I'd probably be having a stroke at that moment.  Oh my God, they must hate me!!!  Finally, the nurse I like the most came out and gave me a hug, and told me she was really sorry that she wasn't aware that the docs office didn't inform me of the procedure.  I was finally able to start calming down, but here we are 4 hours later and I'm still bursting into tears spontaneously.  The good news is I'm apparently going to be a candidate for the radiofrequency stuff since the injection this morning hit the right spot, and I was pain free for a very short amount of time (couple of hours).  Shew!!!  One hard freakin week.  Can it please be over?  Please?