emeraldskye's Journal

Went to the pain doc yesterday and had a neuralscan.  Don't know exactly what it is supposed to show, I just know the areas that hurt the most I couldn't feel the little electrode thing they were touching to my skin.  I guess that's what they were looking for. 

Anyway, they have decided to switch my pain meds from the duragesic patch to avinza.  I will be starting this on monday or tuesday whenever the pharmacy gets it in.  They tried to cut my Lortab back from 3 a day to 2 a day at the same time.  I pleaded with them not to change the Lortab now as I had been trying to get by on the 3 a day they prescribed this last month and had taken 7 pills more than I should have through the month.  I now have a week left to deal with 2 pills a day, and it will be hell.  I am actually drinking some vodka now to help numb the pain as I took my last 1/2 pill at 4pm and am starting to hurt again.  Still a couple hours to go til bedtime. Yippee!  This time, they agreed to let me have the 3 a day.  However, it's still a week until I can get back to the 3 a day.

I guess they don't realize that when they cut us back, we have to cope any way we can.  I personally use alcohol because it's all I have.  I wish I knew of anything else that helped.  I've tried everything.  The only thing left is to "medicate" with the alcohol.  The really sad thing is that my 9 year old son watched me pour it tonight and asks me why I like it.  How do you tell them it's not that I like it, I have no other choice to help kill the pain.  You can't explain it to them.  I never get "drunk" around them, I only have one or two, but still they see it.  I can't tell him it's to kill pain, he might grow up thinking it's ok anytime you have a "pain" (heartbreak or whatever), to turn to alcohol.  I don't want them to think that.  Anyway, I'm sure someday that the extra nsaids, excedrin, alcohol,  will take it's toll on my body.  I just don't know what else to do.  Quite honestly,  I'm hoping it will take a toll, a big one.  Then I won't have to worry about what medicine they're giving me or not.  I'll just be gone.  Maybe someday....maybe!  Or maybe I'll end up worse off than I am now.  That would be my luck! 

Wow, what an entry.  So sorry!