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Chrissy614 
11:54pm, September 15, 2009
Maybe I wasn't the greatest wife. I admit that and I admitted to many mistakes I made in our mariage. I'm over what he thinks of me as a wife. But today he sent a letter to our kids trying to convince them that I wasn't the greatest mom either and that I am manipulating them into leaving him out of their lives. They are 19 and 20 - young adults with very strong minds of their own.
I know this is not the truth and our kids know this is not the truth but it hurts all the same. He's got his whole family believing this as the truth and I shouldn't give a flying f$#k but I do.
I had to stop my son from going over and trying to kick his dad's ass for this letter. I'm afraid of what would have happened so I stopped him from having a face to face confrontation.
This letter, and it was long and detailed about why he left me, how I had "drastically changed" and I was blah, blah, blah, had the exact opposite affect than what he thought it would. He was hoping the kids would be blinded by the "real" truth when they've been living the real truth all along. All this letter did was make them even more angry at him for hurting me.
It's never over. Even after the divorce is final he still has the ability to put a knife right through my heart.
Comments
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.. they think they are making themselves look good, true will prevail.. maybe this is just the thing the kids need to put some distance for a while.. good luck and take that knife out before he twists it.. love and prayers hugs to you
tryn2bhappy
I'm so sorry for you and your children. He will always have to make you the villian because he can't look at himself and see the pain he has caused.
What a fucktard.
hurtinandhealin2560
Chrissy, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this, but it just goes to show you how immature your ex is and your kids know the truth also. Did you ever think that this is his last ditch effort to make him look good and you look bad in the eyes of your kids. The only thing wrong with this picture is that it backfired in his face and he is too stupid to know it. Hang in there and just give your ex enough rope he will hang himself LOL.
kelmatmom
I'm so sorry hun. That's a letter he should have never sent. Does give you a glimpse into his brain...a sad disturbing glimpse.
You're children do need to talk to him about this. Not sure if it will change anything but they should be able to have their say.
Hugs. Wish I go do something to make the hurt go away.
zen11
Chrissy, I just read this and your message. Have not been on because my head is always spinning. You know what happened in your marriage. I totally understand why you are hurt as you don't want anyone to believe the lies he tells. I so wish I could take the lies and pain away. Chris lies about everything and that is what has been the most hurtful. Everything is hurtful but don't lie, the truth is bad enough but don't make up things because you did not want to be married anymore. I am proud of your children for seeing your ex husband for who he really is. Divorce is the ugliest thing I have ever experienced and everyday it seems to be something else. I can not wait for it all to be just a distant memory. Chrissy, my ex lies so very much they told him in court yesterday to learn to lie a bit better because he is not doing a good enough job. Once again he skirted jail by the skin of his teeth. Had someone put his three months of past due child support on their credit card after his pockets were emptied and they were ready to cuff him and take him away. The guy gets away with everything. Just know I know your hurt and literally can feel it.
You are in my heart and my true friend. I will be here whenever you need me. I am going to message you my phone number.
Love, Meg
sunshine5
Chrissy:
Our ex's do this to try and justify them walking out on their wife and children. I'm not sure they even realize they're lying anymore. They're so used to lying it becomes second nature. If they're lips are moving, they're lying.
If you can do it, don't say a word to your ex. Your children have to figure this out on their own regardless of how painful it is to you. I'm sure you want to scream and rant about him. They will eventually have a relationship with him but it will never be the same. He has burned too many bridges.
You'll get through this and your children will know who got them through this.
Hugs my friend.
sld1
My son called his dad and yelled at him for all the assinine things he's doing to me and to them. He said he told him everything that he has been holding back. He said at first his dad wanted to argue every point with him, but he just kept coming back with answers to each arguement. Nothing was really resolved, but at least my son got it off his chest. My daughter is in the process of writing a letter to her dad. I know that won't be pretty.
One of the questions my son asked his dad is "what has Mom done to deserve this from you and your family? He said his dad didn't have an answer for that.
My X told my son that if I need to talk to him I'll have to do it through a lawyer. WHAT !!!!! That is so ridiculously infantile. We still have QDRO modification and taxes to handle and he thinks I'm going to hire an attorney to get to him. That is financially out of the question.
Well, I hold the ball in my court becaue his 401K is frozen until I sign the QDRO papers and I'm not signing until we have a little face to face chat about them. Also, he needs to sign tax papers and I am NOT going through an attorney to get them done. What a complete and utter ASS.
Thanks for all your support on this. Here I was through with DS and less than a week later, I'm journaling yet again.
Chrissy614
I think it's great that your children are venting to him. He needs to hear it from them. I know none of us want to bring or wanted to bring our kids into the mix of things, but most of the time, it can't be avoided. Why do these people have to hurt so many in the divorce process. It's very hard for kids to do what your son has done. Their role in a divorce is next to none. Should they say something or shouldn't they say something, I think is a big issue. It's better to not get involved. They're affected by divorce, but there really isn't much that they can do. It's like a mom who's not happy with the way her married daughter is treated. Do you open up or keep your feelings inside. She could resent you in the long run. Touchy stuff here, but good for your son. He probably felt good after letting it out.
Big hugs and kisses,
Nanc
Nan56
I truly believe they do things like that because they feel guilty. I met with my stbx to discuss settlement and during our meeting he went on again about how he did everything possible to save our marriage and I did nothing. A year apart and he is still as angry as when he left. This is supposed to be what he wants and yet it doesnt seem as if he has let go of anything. He should be happy, living by himself, not worrying about anyone, not even his own mother, never mind mine. Thank goodness our children are grown because I really feel for everyone who is going though this with young kids. But even though they are grown it still affects them.
wisly03