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kylieml78 
6:32pm, March 12, 2009
Well its been awhile but I feelilike crap, I am getting counsilling. Its helping but I have not had my Zoloft for over a week and I am feeling it. I have been having breakthru bleeding at least once a day for a couple weeks. Feel very tired......lethargic and just generally blah.
I had a break thru with my last session....but spent the rest of the day in tears on and off. I feel like crying all the time. Feel very down and alone. I know I am not but thats how I feel. My friends are going thru so much I feel like I cant talk to them. Dont want to seem selfish.
I have had it with the kids. Especially the oldest one. My baby is now 6 months has his first tooth. Absolutely gorgey. He is teeting at the mo so not getting much rest at all. I have a few issues to work thru with friends at the mo. Dont know how to approach them with what I need to say.
One of my gfs has a crush on my fiancee. It makes me feel uncomfortable when she is around right now. She is constantly making comments to him that have innuendo behind them. She has tpo be around him all the time and tries to be close all the time. He says he cant see it and I know he wouldnt do anything to hurt me. He has said if her actions are making me feel uncomfortable then it makes him feel that way too.
At the mo she is going thru a rough patch in her marriage so its hard for me to say what I need to. I know its affecting my friendship with her thou. Coz everytime I see her I feel like I am on my defenses and cant relax. How do I tell this friend of mine? I wish I knew.
At the mo finances are hard too I know its hard for everyone. I am getting married in Nov this yr. I am doing it all on a budget....not easy. Its quite hard when you dont have a lot of money.
Oh well back to that thing called life.
Comments
Ever felt like you just couldn't be bothered? Well that's how I feel. Just like I coudln't give a rats.
My 2.5 week old baby has been grizzly all day. I have to stop breast feeding him coz my milk is not enough. He won't settle when I feed him. He would not settle all day. So gave him a formula bottle and he settled. I just feel like a failure now. I wanted to really make it work this time and it hasn't. I coudln't breast feed my other 3 for very long either. It sucks the one thing that should be natural to us and I can't.
I was really positive about it in the start. Really wanting it to work and I failed! I feel like I don't have choice but to look after all4 all the time. Lately my fiance has not been very helpful so I just feel like crap.
I want to be the one to go to sleep first once. I want to be the one to have time to play games or just watch tv or read a mag. But I can't. I feel selfish for feeling this way, but I can't help it. He works 9 till 5.30. And all I do is look after the kids and chores. It's not much what I do.
I don't feel like I can tell him coz I don't want to make him feel bad or make him feel guilty. Stupid I know.
Well another day tomorrow.
Comments
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Hang in there, the way you are feeling is perfectly normal. You just went through a major change, physically, emotionally and family. Yes, you've had kids before, but each one is different and the family dynamics change right along with it.
You'll be getting sleep before you know it and your outlook will change to.
As far as the Breastfeeding, I know how you feel, with my first, I last 3 days because it wasn't working and it was crushing me as it felt like she was starving. I got a little better with my other two, my third is the one I went the longest, almost 6 weeks. I don't know how others can manage more than that. And, I always had to supplement with formula.
You are NOT a failure and it's ok. Your son is going to grow up healthy and strong and happy weather or not you breastfeed or bottle feed him. I was adopted and never was breastfed, I turned out just fine, I was not a sickly kid either.
Hang in there. Take everything one day at a time, you will be ok.
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I am so sorry you are feeling down but as a mommy you are doing a big job but I can so relate to those feelings! Your hormones are crazy and I am sure you are very emotional. Adding a baby to your family is laways an adjustment for everyone. I have 3 now and we are done...I hop! LOL But every child we had created new and different challenges. Every child is so different and its crazy busy the more you have! With 3 I am like OMG what was I thinking??? I imagine not being able to breast feed is hard on you. Fortunately I was able to but for some it just doesn't work and its not because you are a failure...You tried which is more than many do! My So works long days himself and that is really hard. He is gone from 4AM to about 730PM. Then he pretty much sleeps and does what he wants while my schedule is around all the kids and it is discouraging! Sometimes I am like when do I get ME time!?? I hope you feel better!!! Things will get better with time:) My youngest is almost 6mos so I remember some of what you are feeling.
My baby boy was born this week Aug 27th. It was a very quick labour. Only 5 hours from start to finish. I lost a lot of blood again.1700ml! It was a bit hairy but other than that all went well. He is 8p11oz. So Gorgy. He has dark hair and dark blue eyes. Sleeping at the mo.
Mind you the last few nights have been a bit stressful. He has been really restless during the night. Not sleeping well and feeding so often. I am at a loss at what to do. My other babies were not this restless. And when he cries and wont settle I feel like I am not doing a good enough job. I know thats not true but man What else can I do.
In hospital I didnt ask for much help coz I thought well I have had 3 other kids I should be fine. Even though its been 5 yrs since my last baby before now. I thought if I asked for help they would look down on me. Stupid I know. Thats just how I felt
Comments
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Not all babies react the same. I found with my third, which took me a little while to figure out, she loved to cuddle right up snuggled in my neck, upright most of the time, but when she had enough, she wanted her space.
Relax, it's been awhile, but remember it will take both of you a few days to a couple of weeks to figure out his style.
Congratulations! Enjoy this time, I truly miss it (minus the lack of sleep).
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oh wow CONGRATS!!!! Very exiting. After 5 years there are some things I am sure you just don't remeber so don't feel bad! My youngest was 3 1/2 when the baby was born and even I was tyrying to remeber everything! LOL GOOD LUCK!!!!
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Goal Updated
Wow, so glad that you've posted, been wondering how you were doing. You baby is 6 months already, wow! That flew by. As far as your feelings, I'm glad you are getting help, I am not a Dr, but wondering if or how much of this is due to post-partum depression? Regardless, I'm glad you are getting help. As far as not being able to turn to friends, this is a good as place as any if you need to. I too hold back from my friends because everytime I feel like a shed a little true light on things, I feel like they pull back, but starting to think it's me. Hang in there, true friends are willing to lend an ear and do not think you are selfish.
As far as your friend with the crush, if it is making you uncomfortable, maybe you should take a break from her for awhile or talk to her about what's going on in her marriage. I am glad you were up front to your fiance so no invisible resentment or feelings build based on an assumption.
Hang in there, you are getting married this year, have a beautiful new baby and your other kids will come around, we all have our days and some more than others.
HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS
soulgone
sorry to hear of your rough patch. I feel you on much of what you said...Seems ZI am going through kinda similar things:( I hope you feel better and happy six months:)
anjeH