lsm305's Journal

This is my first day reaching out for support online. I have never tried anything like this before but I feel that it is time. My anxiety has been at all time highs again. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder for the first time 14 years ago. At first I did not want to try medication but I gave in to medication 7 years ago. It started with antidepressants. When that was not working I was put on tranquilizers, then zyprexa for nightmares was added on. The doctor I was seeing continued to pump me with medication instead of changing what I was taking to something else. Needless to say that I stopped meds and was doing fine until recently...

I am due to get married within the next few months but I am not sure if I am making the right decision. I am alone most of the time, it is rare that I am with my fiance. He has a difficult work schedule which leaves me alone. This is becoming difficult for me to deal with. There is also limited communication between us. I tried to get him to go to counseling with me but he refuses. I feel insignificant in life, like I don't matter. There are several reasons that cause me to feel this way, however I am not ready to talk about them. I just feel alone all of the time, even surrounded by those that love me, I still feel alone. I just wish I could talk to someone who understands me.....