Lion29's Journal

I made a decision that has changed my life. I have pondered this idea for many years but, have the never give up attitude and stuck it out.

I have seperated from my husband...not out of lack of love.  But, out of mental exhaustion.

It is hard for people...family to understand, there is more to marriage breakup than infedility, drugs, domestic violence. It does bother me that I feel alone and that I have felt alone most of my life and have be battling my identity and self worth (it seems) practically my whole life.

I do have a dominent personility...I am very out spoken and my honesty/mouth has gotten me into trouble more times that I can remember. I do truly believe it has been my strong will to survive (gift from GOD) that I am still here!

I am living on my own right now and it feels sooo good.

I am now probally for the first time taking care of myself. My husband been and I are talking and it is taking some time to figuer out why I have done what I did. it is hard for me to understand why he has not!!! For years even at the begging of our marriage 23 years ago, he has not put me first in his life...work...(never calling when he is comming home...talking... even intimate he will stop to answer phone and so on...he has a terrible addiction with Mustang car and has to buy a new one every couple no matter how it affects our bills. We have refinanced our home more that 10 times in our 23 years been under debt consolidation, to the point he has talked me into cashing in my 401K...CRAZY Huh!!!

We have more than $60,000 debt in credit cards...bought a Roush Mustang...under debt consolidation again...He hasn't paid Morgage in months and just bought a $1,200 radio system for his car!!!

Does anybody understand out there!!!!

I am now incharge of my self! I have never felt better...I even have started a saving's account!!!

It is about time!!!

xoxo To me!!!