Journal

Well.....I feel I am being tested...Last Tuesday Morn 2/23 at 5 am I had a spontaneous rib fracture. The 11th rib on the right side. I was picking up a 10lb bag of dog food and coughed at the same time...heard a pop and fell to the floor in pain.

Have not worked this week and of course recently moved out and have rent and such to pay...I do not have a full time job...although I am frustrated...and very tired of over comming these hurdles...I refuse to give up and pray that I will over come these obsticals. Because if I don't...who will...that person is me!

Saturaday...I told my husband how I would love if he came to church with me...Sunday came and he was not there. I was dissappointed...but, as history repeats its self...should I really be suprised. I do not understand, how can I continue to hope, knowing it will not turn out the way I wanted sooooo why do I repeat my self...thinking it would be different this time.

This event or lack of has initated a next step for me. I informed my husband that I would be seeing a anoulment with the church for our lack of a marriage. I gently said this was not a threat but, my communication of my thoughts and action.

I feel so stupid...because when we were dating after 1 1/2 years people were teasing to marry me he decided to break up with me. Yeah....and he has never put me first....and 26 years later I actually think he would not be the same man I married....f---me.....I have heard of dumb people do but, 26 years is too long of a time...no question I am stupid!

Where do I go from here?

It has been a rough week with tears of pride!!!   Said good-bye to my son who joined the Navy.

His pleadge to the US was in black tie-died jeans and a grey/ skull pattern teashirt and sneakers.....lol....I wonder if I would regnoizes him when I see him again.

My daughter that same day called (her father) in a full blown panic attack, I was there with him...and she let me help her...the first in a very long while. She is living in and working in Walt Disney World...My continued prayers for her...She is a bi-polar girl in a women's body.

Also, that same day I woke up feeling sick...by 12 noon I had a 101.8 fever EVERY muscle and joint in my body ached!!! My husband took me back to the apartment and I asked if he would stay with me and after saying he had to go somewhere he decided to stay with me...I am happy he stayed but,....that little shitty voice in my heart says why did you have to ask! I do know both of us are not perfect...and I am very glad he stayed with me for the day.