Momof3monkeys's Journal

I am feeling frustrated right now..I am hoping that by writing out all the these thoughts going through my mind at the moment, I will be able to feel less agravated.  Or maybe gain a different perspective..

Some family members, from both sides (hubby and I) are upset that they were not included at Nathans Baptism.  I understand their feelings, I just wish they could understand what I have been going through and then maybe they wouldn't be so hurt.  The last thing I wanted was to upset anyone.  The issue was that Nathan's health has had ups and downs.  Just before speaking with Father Gus, Nathans health was not so good.  He was showing signs of cardiac arrest and was put on meds.  He had also lost quite a bit of weight, that had the cardiologist concerned.  She didn't come out and say it, but it seemed as though if Nathan couldn't gain anymore weight his surgery (open heart) would be bumped up. 

 When I met with Father Gus I found out he was going away for several weeks and the replacement would not be doing baptisms.  If I wanted a guaranteed baptism before surgery it would have to be the coming Sat.  I jumped at it, and took him up on the offer of a private ceremony.  I had under a week to organize it, and most of the family was out of town.  I wanted something small since I didn't want to invite some family and not all.  Just the godparents and us.  My husband Brian didn't feel right without some family present.  We decided to invite one set of grandparents from both sides.  The two we chose are the ones who have helped watch my older two while I took Nathan to his appt's.  They also happened to be the only ones in town.  It was a small and sweet service and very momorable.  I was able to have everyone over for dinner afterwards since it was such small numbers. That in itself with a little one is not easy..My husband is a long hall trucker and is only home on weekends, so I did all the work and took care of my three monkeys..

Now I am hearing from siblings on both sides that they are upset to have not been included.  I understand and feel sad that they feel that way.  I am also angry about hearing about my husbands side being hurt.  They have not come to my older two's religious functions all though being included, and why now is it such a big deal? Just because it was our choice and not their's that they werent' there? 

 When Nathan was born we knew he would be born with a serious heart defect.  We knew there was a good chance that he would be struggling at birth.  It was a very scary time for both my husband and I.  My entire family was there for us that day.  Some at the hospital and those that weren't there were minding my older two.  None, not a single one of Brian's family was there.  My family gave support to my husband.  I was so put out and upset that not one of them showed to be there for Brian. I had even asked, and still no one was there.  Why do they expect so much from him (Brian) and give nothing in return?  Should I tell them how upset I was that they weren't there for him?  After all it gets back to me about them being upset.  I am fed up with them adding grief to my husband.  He has enough to worry about without having to worry about their feeling too..

I am really frustrated..My brother being upset at not being included even though I was not included to the baptism of his two.  Brian's siblings for being upset, even though they have not showed they have a religous bone in their body, and have shown no support for Brian for the entire time I have known him.  NO doubt I will hear how upset others are too..I just would like to tell them too damn bad, try living in my shoes..

AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There that is my vent for the day...