tigersnow0214

Close Breakups & Divorce

I've been married for 11 years and unfortunately it's not been the best relationship. At first, things were great - I was truly in love. My husband has always been high strung and he's always had a bad temper. Unfortunately we've been verbally and emotionally abusive (I said we as well) and he's been physically violent as well. Not all the time, there have been a few instances, but in my opinion one was too many. My husband hasn't worked steady for the entire length of our marriage, except for the first year. After he quit working at his job that first year he's bounced from job to job. The entire marriage -I've worked, sometimes two, to support us. During these trying times I repeatedly asked my husband to seek psychiatric help - he refused. Because of his temper - I can't tell you how many times in the 11 years we've been married how many deposites I've placed, how much furniture I've bought - and how many leases I've broken. My husband is also not healthy; he has had several heart attacks in the last two years (there is a family history of heart problems.) Last year, we had a huge fight, he was physically abusive and I left him. I took a job in Chicago and left him in a hospital (he had an angioplasty.) I felt bad, I really did, but I was so hurt by the emotional and physical abuse (again) I had to get out of the situation. I wasn't strong enough at the time and caved within two weeks. He came to Chicago - and we got along - for a while. He even started to seek care at the Veteran's hospital, he was in the first Gulf War, and things were starting to look up. He even filed a disability claim because of his heart and PTSDT. Well we didn't hear anything...assumed nothing had happened. We hated living in Chicago, it's a great place to visit but not somwhere I want to live. He was hell bent on moving out of there so I started looking for another job. I found this job here, in South Dakota, and I like where I'm at. During the relocation he received a "back payment" for his disability and they started with a monthly stipend. Like an idiot, and I really regret doing what I did, I didn't tell him about the money. I knew we would go through it, I knew we would blow it on stupid stuff and we woudn't buy what we needed. I kept it a secret for months; I bought furniture, food - stuff we both wanted for our new place. Well...he recently found out I had kept it a secret from him, and I don't blame him for being angry, but he insists I stole his money. I'm really torn about how I feel about that. Yes, I didn't tell him, but I used it for us - it's not like I bought drugs or junk just for me - I used it for us. Ultimately, he tells one minute he loves me - then he's berating me the next. I'm not happy; I don't believe he can ever change his behavior - nor do I think anything is ever going to change. I really just need some emotional support. \

Treatments

Support from Friends & Family Somewhat Helpful

Definitely helpful but how to you learn to cope.

Close Codependency

I'm married to a man - and I don't love him anymore - but he's like a drug and I can't seem to let go long enough to get away from him.