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Kenzy 
OK, SO A MERE 5 DAYS AFTER WRITING MY LAST JOURNAL ENTRY I ENTERED A SECOND 5k...THIS ONE WAS A BIT HARDER B/C THERE WERE A LOT OF HILLS. BUT, I MANAGED TO SHAVE OFF AN ENTIRE MINUTE. I RAN THE 3.2 MILES IN 34:34. I WAS SO HAPPY.
SINCE THEN I HAVE BEEN RUNNING MORE, I AM NOW UP TO 4.5-5 MILES. AND I AM PLANNING ON RUNNING IN THE PITTSBURGH HALF MARATHON IN MAY. THAT WILL BE 13.2 MILES...I AM NERVOUS AND SCARED BUT I WANT TO SUCCEED MORE THAN ANYTHING. I HAVE SIX MONTHS TO TRAIN...KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED FOR ME, OK?
IF THAT GOES WELL THEN I WILL BE REGISTERING FOR THE PITTSBURGH SPRINT TRIATHALON IN AUGUST...THAT WILL BE A 600M SWIM IN THE ALLEGHENY RIVER, THEN A 12 MILE BIKE RIDE THROUGH THE CITY AND THEN A 5K RUN. I KNOW, RIGHT?
MEDICALLY? I AM DOING OK...I HAVE BEEN NUMB FROM THE TOP OF THE SPINE TO MY TOES FOR THE PAST MONTH...I KNOW A LOT OF YOU WILL THINK THAT I AM CRAZY, BUT I RUN THROUGH IT. MIND OVER MATTER. I MADE AN APPT. WITH MY NEURO, I SEE HIM IN 2 WEEKS SO WE'LL SEE WHAT HE SAYS. BUT, I AM NOT GOING TO STOP RUNNING, IT IS ALL I HAVE.
I AM STILL SHARING AN APT. WITH "HIM"...WE ARE DOING ALRIGHT. HE WANTS TO GO WITH ME TO MY PARENTS FOR THANKSGIVING NEXT MONTH...THEY INVITED HIM IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT. I BARELY CAN...I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY REGARDING THIS...WE ARE BEST FRIENDS AND WE HAVE SHARED OUR LIVES WITH ONE ANOTHER FOR THE PAST 10 YEARS...THAT IS SOME SERIOUS HISTORY. I DID SOME DATING THIS SUMMER AND EARLY FALL WITHOUT ANY REAL SUCCESS...OF COURSE THERE WERE SOME PHYSICAL ATTRACTIONS AND SOME SERIOUS MAKING OUT MOMENTS BUT NOTHING GOOD ENOUGH TO PURSUE. OH WELL...ALL OF THE MEN THAT HAVE EVER COME INTO MY LIFE HAVE ALWAYS CONSIDERED ME TO BE A GREAT FRIEND OR PAL BUT NEVER WORTHY OF ANYTHING MORE...MAYBE THAT'S JUST MY LOT IN LIFE.
I AM STILL IN THERAPY AND WE ARE WORKING ON SOME PRETTY SERIOUS ISSUES...SOME WEEKS ARE REALLY HARD, AND I STILL HAVE DAYS WHERE I DREAM OF KILLING MYSELF, BUT THOSE ARE BECOMING FEWER, AND FEWER. TO DATE I HAVE LOST CLOSE TO 50 POUNDS AND MY BODY GETS LEANER AND TONER AS THE WEEKS GO BY.
AM I HAPPY? NOT REALLY, BUT I AM WORKING ON IT...IT DOESN'T COME EASILY, DOES IT? I WILL SAY THIS...WHEN I AM RUNNING, I AM FREE. THE WEIGHT ON MY SHOULDERS AND THE NUMBNESS IN MY SPINE AND LEGS WASH AWAY...THE WORLD, IF FOR NOTHING MORE THAN A BRIEF MOMENT BECOMES A LITTLE LESS CLOUDY AND I BEGIN TO SEE...FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I SEE.
LOVE TO YOU ALL, EMMIE
Comments
Running Numb? you don't feel like you're going to lose footing? cool. Keep going then ;)
LarryLDN
Darling, sounds like you are really working at figuring it all out... Let me know when you do... seems that when I DO, I forget where I put it and am off to find it again...
Run your little heart out!!! xoxoxo Cj
ddeadred
emmie
make sure you check out the numbness with the doctor. i think you have achieved a milestone already.
congratulations!!! however, your health must come firstt.
do you have to still live with "him?" isn't it more difficult to heal while he is there?
my best to you, and you have done it. you achieved a record with that run. and therapy is hard work. so glad you are feeling better. i am happy for you.
stay connected.
lorrie
twinklee1
Hey Em....I run numb as well. I think it's one of the best things I do for myself. Happy to have you back. I'll be calling you. xoxox Jen
feisty