Kenzy's Journal

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT A TOPIC AS I AM ABOUT SUICIDE...AND IT TURNS OUT, EVERYONE HAS AN OPINION ON THE MATTER...I AM GOING TO BE LEAVING GROUP THERAPY, IT SIMPLY ISN'T FOR ME. ON THE PLUS SIDE, I HAVE BEEN PUT ON A WAITING LIST FOR A THERAPIST...6 SHORT WEEKS.

MY PARENTS VISITED A FEW WEEKS AGO AFTER I RETURNED HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL PSYCH. WARD. THEY BROUGHT ME A CAR. A NICE LITTLE HONDA SPORTS CAR...I DEFINATELY DO NOT THINK THAT I DESERVE IT BUT MY MOTHER TOLD ME TO BE QUIET AND TO TAKE IT...AND THAT SHE IS SO VERY PROUD OF ME AND HOW MUCH SHE LOVES ME. AS DID MY FATHER...LEAVING THEM AT THE AIRPORT WAS HARD...

I FEEL LIKE MAYBE I AM GETTING BETTER...I HAVE LOST 39 POUNDS, I WORK OUT EVERYDAY, AND I FEEL STRONG...AT LEAST IN BODY. I SPEND A LOT OF TIME ALONE, BUT I THINK THAT'S GOOD. I WORK 6 DAYS A WEEK, IT IS A LOT. I STARTED BECOMING MORE RESPONSIBLE WITH MY INJECTIONS AND I AM ALMOST REMEMBERING TO DO THEM EVERYDAY.

I AM REALLY EXCITED BECUASE I AM GETTING A PERSONAL TRAINER AND I THINK THAT IS REALLY GOING TO MAKE ME HAPPY! I WANT TO STRENGTHEN MY CORE...I HAVE BEEN SPENDING A LOT OF TIME OUTDOORS AND SO I AM VERY TAN RIGHT NOW...I ACTUALLY LOOK THE BEST I HAVE EVER LOOKED FOR SOME TIME NOW. IT'S AMAZING WHAT ATTEMPTING  SUICIDE CAN DO FOR YOU...

XO, EM