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Kenzy 
I KNOW THAT SO MANY OF YOU HAVE BEEN EXTREMELY WORRIED AND FOR THAT I AM SORRY...I HATE THAT THIS RECENT JOURNAL WILL BE SOAKED WITH A BIT OF SADNESS BUT HERE GOES...
ON MEMORIAL DAY, THIS PAST WEEK AT AROUND 12:30 AM, I SAT ON THE FLOOR WITH SOME PHOTOGRAPHS CRYING AND I SWALLOWED THE CONTENTS OF 4 OF MY PILL BOTTLES.
THIS CONSISTED OF OVER 20 ATIVAN, 10 TRAMADOL AND A HANDFUL OF VICODAN AND OXYCODONE. AS I STARTED TO DRIFT OFF I CALLED MY BEST FRIEND TO SAY GOODBYE, AND LUCKILY FOR ME HE WAS WORRIED ENOUGH TO RACE TO MY APARTMENT...
I CAN'T REALLY TELL YOU ALL WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE ANY CLEAR OR REAL RECOLLECTION OF THE EVENTS OF THAT EVENING. I KNOW THAT I DID NOT HAVE TO HAVE MY STOMACH PUMPED...I WAS PUT ON A HEART MONITOR AS WELL AS OTHERS AND LOADS OF IV FLUIDS.
FOR 3 DAYS I WAS ON CONSTANT OBSERVATION AND THEN WAS TOLD THAT THE PSYCH. DOCTOR WAS "302'ING" ME AND SENDING ME TO ANOTHER HOSPITAL'S PSYCH. WARD FOR AN INDETERMINATE TIME. BASICALLY I WAS COMMITTED AGAINST MY WILL.
THE MENTAL FACILITY THAT I WAS SENT TO WAS THE SADDEST PLACE I HAVE EVER BEEN...AND IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY "EX-BOYFRIEND"?, I WOULDN'T EVEN BE HOME...HE SPOKE TO THE DOCTORS THERE AND CONVINCED THEM THAT THIS WASN'T THE PLACE FOR ME TO BE. SO, MY TIME THERE WAS LIMITED, THANK GOD! BUT, AS A CONDITION I AM REQUIRED TO GO TO GROUP AND INDIVIDUAL THERAPY AS AN OUT-PATIENT 3X'S A WEEK. I START TOMORROW.
I AM OK...AM I DEPRESSED? YES. AM I GOING TO MAKE IT? I CAN ONLY HOPE...THE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS ARE GONE FOR NOW...I HAVE HURT MANY PEOPLE BY MY ACTIONS AND MY SINCEREST HOPE RIGHT NOW IS THAT I CAN MEND THEM...I HAVE ALSO LOST 34 POUNDS...THAT'S THE ONLY PLUS I CAN SEE FROM ALL OF THIS...
HOPE THAT YOU ALL ARE WELL,
EMMIE
Comments
oh for crying out loud emmie-you gotta stop it right here right now--no one is worth your life and health--you are a beautiful-young funny and educated woman--your life has just started--you will p'bly love again--maybe soon-- you might have beautiful kids--and do great things with your life--you were put here for a purpose--spend your life finding out what it is--concentratrae on loving and taking care of you not him--get some good meds--they will usually straighen you out in 2 or 3 weeks--do you really think life will be better in a cold dark-wet hole in the ground--hell no --get meds and take care of your self--don't ever ever do that again--please make us a promise for now and forever--be good be kind to you and to the world--you can make it--i know you can--we miss you and your priceless humor--take care love and hugs--mr peanut ==haha
sherryalton
I am so sorry that you are so depressed! I can say that I understand to some extent. I will never tell someone that I COMPLETELY understand. I never could. But i have been dealing with mad depression and suicidal thoughts for a while. I finally started therapy back in December. I had to talk my way out of being committed too for my suicidal plans. I started the therapy and it really helped. I hope and pray that you have a good group with good counselors! DO this for yourself! You are so worthy and deserve good things! And you are courageous! Don't forget that! If you need anything, just to talk, someone to listen, then I am here! Keep in touch with me! I will be thinking of you and I am thankful that you made it through so far! You can do this!
Sibrina
Love you Em... Work on taking care of YOU!!! I know the disease is eating our brains which makes us have so many "issues"... Just try to stay focused and keep moving forward...
No more reckless pill-popping darling... You are a special magickal womyn, and I just don't think you're done here yet.. xoxoxo Cj
ddeadred
Emmie, I can't imagine what you're going through, but I wanted you to know you're in my thoughts. I really hope that you find the strength and support you deserve, both here and in the counselling.
Take care of yourself - you're much admired and have been missed
x
joblet
I haven't been on here for a bit, but I am so glad you are okay. I always enjoy your posts. Please pay attention to what the others have said. You are much to important to all of us to act on the dark feelings that sometimes take hold. Hugs and hugs and hugs Nancy
nsn123
Brat....i love you..
luv ya brat
heather
heather1
OH, EMMIE!!! PLEASE, DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN... I CAN IMAGINE ITS HARD, BUT THAT'S NO SOLUTION... YOU HAVE SO MUCH...YOU'RE BRIGHT, FUNNY, INSPIRATIONAL AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST HOT!
PLEASE, DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO GET BETTER...XOXOXO SLAVKA
aakvils
I get it, and I know it's not worth it. even if it feels like it. Love you.
feisty
ditto...
mrcoffee
Ever read EM? She was about your age. http://www.libertystatepark.com/em...
mrcoffee