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Kenzy 
OK, SO A MERE 5 DAYS AFTER WRITING MY LAST JOURNAL ENTRY I ENTERED A SECOND 5k...THIS ONE WAS A BIT HARDER B/C THERE WERE A LOT OF HILLS. BUT, I MANAGED TO SHAVE OFF AN ENTIRE MINUTE. I RAN THE 3.2 MILES IN 34:34. I WAS SO HAPPY.
SINCE THEN I HAVE BEEN RUNNING MORE, I AM NOW UP TO 4.5-5 MILES. AND I AM PLANNING ON RUNNING IN THE PITTSBURGH HALF MARATHON IN MAY. THAT WILL BE 13.2 MILES...I AM NERVOUS AND SCARED BUT I WANT TO SUCCEED MORE THAN ANYTHING. I HAVE SIX MONTHS TO TRAIN...KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED FOR ME, OK?
IF THAT GOES WELL THEN I WILL BE REGISTERING FOR THE PITTSBURGH SPRINT TRIATHALON IN AUGUST...THAT WILL BE A 600M SWIM IN THE ALLEGHENY RIVER, THEN A 12 MILE BIKE RIDE THROUGH THE CITY AND THEN A 5K RUN. I KNOW, RIGHT?
MEDICALLY? I AM DOING OK...I HAVE BEEN NUMB FROM THE TOP OF THE SPINE TO MY TOES FOR THE PAST MONTH...I KNOW A LOT OF YOU WILL THINK THAT I AM CRAZY, BUT I RUN THROUGH IT. MIND OVER MATTER. I MADE AN APPT. WITH MY NEURO, I SEE HIM IN 2 WEEKS SO WE'LL SEE WHAT HE SAYS. BUT, I AM NOT GOING TO STOP RUNNING, IT IS ALL I HAVE.
I AM STILL SHARING AN APT. WITH "HIM"...WE ARE DOING ALRIGHT. HE WANTS TO GO WITH ME TO MY PARENTS FOR THANKSGIVING NEXT MONTH...THEY INVITED HIM IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT. I BARELY CAN...I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY REGARDING THIS...WE ARE BEST FRIENDS AND WE HAVE SHARED OUR LIVES WITH ONE ANOTHER FOR THE PAST 10 YEARS...THAT IS SOME SERIOUS HISTORY. I DID SOME DATING THIS SUMMER AND EARLY FALL WITHOUT ANY REAL SUCCESS...OF COURSE THERE WERE SOME PHYSICAL ATTRACTIONS AND SOME SERIOUS MAKING OUT MOMENTS BUT NOTHING GOOD ENOUGH TO PURSUE. OH WELL...ALL OF THE MEN THAT HAVE EVER COME INTO MY LIFE HAVE ALWAYS CONSIDERED ME TO BE A GREAT FRIEND OR PAL BUT NEVER WORTHY OF ANYTHING MORE...MAYBE THAT'S JUST MY LOT IN LIFE.
I AM STILL IN THERAPY AND WE ARE WORKING ON SOME PRETTY SERIOUS ISSUES...SOME WEEKS ARE REALLY HARD, AND I STILL HAVE DAYS WHERE I DREAM OF KILLING MYSELF, BUT THOSE ARE BECOMING FEWER, AND FEWER. TO DATE I HAVE LOST CLOSE TO 50 POUNDS AND MY BODY GETS LEANER AND TONER AS THE WEEKS GO BY.
AM I HAPPY? NOT REALLY, BUT I AM WORKING ON IT...IT DOESN'T COME EASILY, DOES IT? I WILL SAY THIS...WHEN I AM RUNNING, I AM FREE. THE WEIGHT ON MY SHOULDERS AND THE NUMBNESS IN MY SPINE AND LEGS WASH AWAY...THE WORLD, IF FOR NOTHING MORE THAN A BRIEF MOMENT BECOMES A LITTLE LESS CLOUDY AND I BEGIN TO SEE...FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I SEE.
LOVE TO YOU ALL, EMMIE
Comments
HEY! I HAVE BEEN MISSING YOU ALL SO MUCH! I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT BEING AROUND...I AM SIMPLY OVER THE MOON OBSESSED WITH RUNNING.
ON SUNDAY I RAN THE GREAT RACE HERE IN PITTSBURGH. I DID THE 5K (3.1) MILES AND MY TIME WAS 35 MINUTES AND 35 SECONDS! HOLY SHIT, RIGHT?
THAT CAME OUT TO ABOUT 12 MINUTES A MILE. YES!
SO, COMING OFF THAT RUNNERS HIGH I DECIDED TO REGISTER FOR ANOTHER 5k FOR THIS SATURDAY...I AM SO VERY EXCITED! I SEEM TO BE IN REMISSION FOR NOW AND I AM DOING SO WELL.
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT AND MY WISH IS THAT YOU ARE ALL HEALTHY AND HAPPY. I THINK OF YOU ALL WITH EVERY STEP I TAKE...
XOXO, EM
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Cool, we can compare 5K t-shirt collections lol
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you go girl. i am happy for you. CONGRATULATIONS.
lorrie
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great update; keep on runnin' ;)
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WHOOOHOOOOO AND YEEEEHAAAWWWWW! Go Em Go!!! xoxoxo Cj
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So so glad to have you back.............you have been misses dearly!
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Nice. Bet your ass looks hot. lol
OMG! WHERE TO START? WELL, ON MEMORIAL DAY I ATTEMPTED SUICIDE...THAT'S RIGHT. 50 PILLS, AND ALL IT GOT ME WAS A 48 HR. NAP AND A TRIP TO THE MENTAL WARD AT MERCY HOSPITAL. IT HAS BEEN A FEW MONTHS NOW AND I AM GETTING BETTER. I SEE A THERAPIST EVERY WEEK AND SHE IS HELPING. I STILL SHARE AN APT. WITH MY EX...NEITHER OF US IS WILLING OR READY TO LEAVE THE APT.
HE HAS BEEN SEEING SOMEONE FOR A WHILE NOW...WE HAVE A RULE...NO WOMEN ARE ALLOWED HERE...IT IS MY HOME AND I AM SIMPLY NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT. LIKEWISE IF I WOULD BEGIN TO DATE SOMEONE ELSE. I AM TRYING TO BE HIS FRIEND BUT AS I HAVE EXPLAINED TO HIM...I NEED TIME...LOTS OF IT.
LET'S SEE, WHAT ELSE? OH YEAH, I JUST GOT HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL TODAY...I HAD TO HAVE SURGERY YESTERDAY...MY GALLBLADDER WAS TAKEN OUT. I AM DOING OK...LOADS OF PAIN BUT IT WILL GET BETTER.
UMMM...OK, 2 MONTHS AGO I STARTED RUNNING...I AM NOW UP TO 3.5 MILES...AND I AM PLANNING ON RUNNING THE GREAT RACE HERE IN PGH ON SEPT. 27. I AM SO VERY PROUD OF MYSELF AND VERY VERY EXCITED. GUYS, I AM RUNNING THIS ONE FOR ALL OF YOU HERE...EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.
OH AND LAST WEEK I JOINED MATCH.COM AND I HAVE GONE OUT ON ONE DATE SO FAR...HE WAS VERY GOOD LOOKING AND WE GOT ALONG PRETTY WELL (WE EVEN MADE OUT A LITTLE) AND HE LOVED MY HAIR AND THE WAY THAT I LOOKED. IT MADE ME HAPPY. WE ARE GOING TO TRY AND SEE EACH OTHER ONCE I AM BETTER.
SO, I STILL CARE FOR MY EX...I HONESTLY DO...BUT HE HAS HURT ME MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER HAS...I CAN'T FORGIVE HIM YET NOR CAN I LOOK INTO HIS EYES BUT I NO LONGER WANT TO HURT MYSELF OVER HIM...HE ISN'T WORTH THE ANGER, THE CRYING, OR THE SADNESS...I WANT TO MOVE ON AND BE HAPPY. AND ALL I CAN SAY ABOUT HIM IS THAT HE IS "COMMON"...AND I WANT MORE THAN THAT...I AM SPECIAL AND I AM UNIQUE AND I DESERVE AND DEMAND FAR MORE THAN COMMON.
LOVE TO YOU ALL AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDYING SUPPORT OVER THE PAST FEW MONTHS...
XOXO, EMMIE
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I HAVE MISSED YOU DARLING... I AM GLAD THAT YOU ARE DOING BETTER... KICK THAT MAN TO THE CURB, MOVE ON TO YOURSELF AS YOUR PRIMARY FOCUS, AND THE MAN WILL COME ALONE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT... THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED FOR ME AFTER KISSING TOADS (OK, MAY A BIT MORE) FOR FOUR LONG YEARS!!
WHEN I DECIDED I WAS DONE WITH MEN, I MET MY CURRENT PARTNER OF NEARLY 12 YEARS... I'M NOT SIGNING ANY CONTRACTS THIS TIME, BUT I THING WE'RE IN FOR THE LONG HAUL... WHAT CAN I SAY??? IT WAS HE CLEAR AND TRUE BLUE EYES, AND THOSE CALLOUSED HANDS THAT NEEDED EXTRA LOTION MASSAGED IN...
YOU ARE SOOOOOO MUCH YOUNGER THAN ME!!! YOU HAVE SOOOOOO MUCH TIME TO LIVE AND LOVE AND LAUGH!!! KICK THAT OLD MAN TO THE CURB, FIND A NEW PLACE, AND MOVE ON.... OH DEAR, I SOUND SOOOOO OLD....
LOVE YOU DARLING!!! GLAD YOU ARE BACK HERE, HOPE YOU ARE AROUND A BIT MORE, OR I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING FUN SOMEWHERE WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL LOVER!!! XOXOXO CJ
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CLEARLY, I SUD HAVE PROOF-READ PERFOR I POSTED, BUT AS YOU CAN SEE HERE, MY COGNITIVE IS NOT FINDING THE CORRECT SPELLINGS ANYWAY... PLEASE UNDERSTAND FROM YOU FRIEND WITH MS SINCE 1986... XO CJ
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oh, i feel so badly for you. kick that man to the curb. you will never truly get over him while he is in the house.
go for a man who is worth of you. MS is so tough to deal with; you need a man who will treat you like a princess.
my husband treats my disease like it does not exist. please do not put up with that because you will have most unhappy life.
and, no more pills please; you hurt us.
we send you love,
twinks
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I'm really delighted to see that you're doing so well. I'm very jealous of the running and wish you well for the race.
There will be better men and times ahead, so take your time and do what's right for you.
Take care
x
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3.5 miles?! Fucking awesome-- allow me to live vicariously through you :) Kick ass in that race! Meanwhile, since the old boyfriend was the one who wanted to end the relationship, why can't he be the one to move out? He really needs to go.
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SO NICE TO SEE YOU HERE! OMG 3,5 MILES, I COULDN'T DO IT EVEN WHEN I WAS "HEALTHY"; THATS REALLY INCREDIBLE. I AGREE WITH FLOO, HE SHOULD MOVE OUT...
I'M SO GLAD FOR YOU THAT YOU'RE DOING GOOD...AND I ENVY YOU ALL THE HOT GUYS YOU'LL BE DATING AND MAKING OUT WITH! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, XOXOXOXO SLAVKA
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What can we say . . .
We're here for you!
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you are unique my dear brat...and you so deserve someone special who can see and appreciate that ....know that the others may be right though brat...full closer may not come to you until you are living sepretaly....hard as that may be...sigh.....friendships are not formed from broken relationships.....or broken trust......you deserve so very much more em
but on the other note....smile....good news on getting in shape and looking after your self......keep up with the therapy...please...and know that you are loved
luv ya brat
heather
Past Entries
Goal Updated
Running Numb? you don't feel like you're going to lose footing? cool. Keep going then ;)
LarryLDN
Darling, sounds like you are really working at figuring it all out... Let me know when you do... seems that when I DO, I forget where I put it and am off to find it again...
Run your little heart out!!! xoxoxo Cj
ddeadred
emmie
make sure you check out the numbness with the doctor. i think you have achieved a milestone already.
congratulations!!! however, your health must come firstt.
do you have to still live with "him?" isn't it more difficult to heal while he is there?
my best to you, and you have done it. you achieved a record with that run. and therapy is hard work. so glad you are feeling better. i am happy for you.
stay connected.
lorrie
twinklee1
Hey Em....I run numb as well. I think it's one of the best things I do for myself. Happy to have you back. I'll be calling you. xoxox Jen
feisty