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Marriage Enrichment. What is it exactly? To be honest the folks involved in the "marriage enrichment" business did have their hearts (LOL) in the right place...
There are 2 Marriage Enrichment camps:
The Religious camp, which includes the staunch radical religious right. Now, nothing is wrong with invoking God into the relationship. But we have to realistic here: anyone selling you special saving salve that some of these folks push to save a troubled marriages is in my opinion improper.
Then there is the Secular-Court camp, that includes EVERYONE's marriage, make believe or not... Not saying any thoughts on the current status in some States, the traditional form of marriage is in PISS POOR shape overall. And we need to bolster strengthening the concept of what it is to be married besides a legal requirement to be home at night...
Each camp has some really good people to help newlyweds and longer-weds to work through their problems. The thing about our current state of affairs in marriages is that longtime ago, marriages were arrangements between families, with a "dowry" or something like it and exchange of property. Both bride and groom were told how to be marriage. A wife did her activities and a husband did his activities. And the behavior did not change until 30 years ago with mammoth changes in our understanding about committed relationship that leads to legal marriage.
All of this does not say that those who have been married for a significant amount of time, which is right now the 5th year mark and beyond, cannot use any kind of marital enrichment. In fact, longtime marrieds are asked to become the mentors for newlyweds as to how to develop a "collaborative plan" that works for a marriage.
What marriage enrichment courses are supposed to do is teach newlyweds how to argue fairly, find discrepancies of individual family cultures being combined into one and providing solutions for them, and although, there may be angry, the attempt to deal with it is always productive for both. Marriage enrichment does NOT supplant couples counseling, it is be used in conjunction with counseling (if needed).
Every activity can be "tailored" to each couples situation. How to choose that "tailoring" is what marriage enrichment assists you to do, whereas, couples counseling only shows where there are errors in our individual thinking, and compromising changes to adapt to the relationship. A GOOD therapist can assist strengthening one's individual thinking that the bring to the relationship. However, couples counseling has a poor rate of return. Personally, the little data I have seen, marriage enrichment courses far outpace any couples counseling--especially when led by marriage-family couples counselors, who bring their spouses to assist...
So, marriage enrichment is something to review in you city or bring that ministry to your church.
The Marriage Enrichment websites I really like, although there are cons, are the following:
The Christianity Today: Marriage Partnership Magazine good info, too much sex discussions...
Smartmarriages with several other groups within. Confusing website, but good information to find in your area.
The Gottman Institute: Dr. Gottman has done serious research as to what it takes for a relationship to work. He is not religious. His seminars are very pricey. But, if he comes to your area for less money, consider going...
Belief.net's Marriage Area: A holistic understanding of relationships. Spiritual, but not specifically geared to any religion. Has gotten rather hyped because it is one of Deepak Chopra's sites.
Wedded Bliss Foundation and Black Marriage Day--March 22, 2009: Site is still in development and programs can be enhanced, but the idea behind all these activities are very good.
Rev. Dr. Gary Chapman: He is the author of "The Five Love Languages" and believes in "Marriage Covenants"--where the couple does not legally divorce unless they work out their problems, aside from domestic violence, abandonment, overall complete loss of funds and bankruptcy without knowledge, etc. There are ~7 States that have Covenant Marriage licenses--one is Arizona that I know of. I think Louisiana is another one. Covenant marriage licenses are a different blog and whole 'nother discussion...
Drs. Les and Lesilie Parrott: They are in Seattle, WA. I never can get to their seminars. They have written several pre-marriage books and current marriage books and blended families books. I have not read their books yet. But they have some good ideas what I have seen on their site.
Retrouvaille: This is like the last ditch effort for marriages before papers are filed. The have weekend intensive where the couple has to work hard to keep their marriage functional, then build on it. I have not gotten to that point, but I have heard is it beneficial for those who are on the brink.
There are several other marriage enrichment weekends.
I also know my husband, and he will attend something that educates him once, and if he likes it, he will go again. My husband did not like enrichment. But, one think I learned at the enrichment is that if I wanted to remain married to my husband, I have to surrender to him--from fighting him. That is very difficult when I have been independent for a significant amount of time. But, I had to learn that for my marriage. Then, I am working with a mental health condition that he has had to adapt.
Contact me if you would like to know more?
Show how you love your husband always,
Dr. G-
There are 2 Marriage Enrichment camps:
The Religious camp, which includes the staunch radical religious right. Now, nothing is wrong with invoking God into the relationship. But we have to realistic here: anyone selling you special saving salve that some of these folks push to save a troubled marriages is in my opinion improper.
Then there is the Secular-Court camp, that includes EVERYONE's marriage, make believe or not... Not saying any thoughts on the current status in some States, the traditional form of marriage is in PISS POOR shape overall. And we need to bolster strengthening the concept of what it is to be married besides a legal requirement to be home at night...
Each camp has some really good people to help newlyweds and longer-weds to work through their problems. The thing about our current state of affairs in marriages is that longtime ago, marriages were arrangements between families, with a "dowry" or something like it and exchange of property. Both bride and groom were told how to be marriage. A wife did her activities and a husband did his activities. And the behavior did not change until 30 years ago with mammoth changes in our understanding about committed relationship that leads to legal marriage.
All of this does not say that those who have been married for a significant amount of time, which is right now the 5th year mark and beyond, cannot use any kind of marital enrichment. In fact, longtime marrieds are asked to become the mentors for newlyweds as to how to develop a "collaborative plan" that works for a marriage.
What marriage enrichment courses are supposed to do is teach newlyweds how to argue fairly, find discrepancies of individual family cultures being combined into one and providing solutions for them, and although, there may be angry, the attempt to deal with it is always productive for both. Marriage enrichment does NOT supplant couples counseling, it is be used in conjunction with counseling (if needed).
Every activity can be "tailored" to each couples situation. How to choose that "tailoring" is what marriage enrichment assists you to do, whereas, couples counseling only shows where there are errors in our individual thinking, and compromising changes to adapt to the relationship. A GOOD therapist can assist strengthening one's individual thinking that the bring to the relationship. However, couples counseling has a poor rate of return. Personally, the little data I have seen, marriage enrichment courses far outpace any couples counseling--especially when led by marriage-family couples counselors, who bring their spouses to assist...
So, marriage enrichment is something to review in you city or bring that ministry to your church.
The Marriage Enrichment websites I really like, although there are cons, are the following:
The Christianity Today: Marriage Partnership Magazine good info, too much sex discussions...
Smartmarriages with several other groups within. Confusing website, but good information to find in your area.
The Gottman Institute: Dr. Gottman has done serious research as to what it takes for a relationship to work. He is not religious. His seminars are very pricey. But, if he comes to your area for less money, consider going...
Belief.net's Marriage Area: A holistic understanding of relationships. Spiritual, but not specifically geared to any religion. Has gotten rather hyped because it is one of Deepak Chopra's sites.
Wedded Bliss Foundation and Black Marriage Day--March 22, 2009: Site is still in development and programs can be enhanced, but the idea behind all these activities are very good.
Rev. Dr. Gary Chapman: He is the author of "The Five Love Languages" and believes in "Marriage Covenants"--where the couple does not legally divorce unless they work out their problems, aside from domestic violence, abandonment, overall complete loss of funds and bankruptcy without knowledge, etc. There are ~7 States that have Covenant Marriage licenses--one is Arizona that I know of. I think Louisiana is another one. Covenant marriage licenses are a different blog and whole 'nother discussion...
Drs. Les and Lesilie Parrott: They are in Seattle, WA. I never can get to their seminars. They have written several pre-marriage books and current marriage books and blended families books. I have not read their books yet. But they have some good ideas what I have seen on their site.
Retrouvaille: This is like the last ditch effort for marriages before papers are filed. The have weekend intensive where the couple has to work hard to keep their marriage functional, then build on it. I have not gotten to that point, but I have heard is it beneficial for those who are on the brink.
There are several other marriage enrichment weekends.
I also know my husband, and he will attend something that educates him once, and if he likes it, he will go again. My husband did not like enrichment. But, one think I learned at the enrichment is that if I wanted to remain married to my husband, I have to surrender to him--from fighting him. That is very difficult when I have been independent for a significant amount of time. But, I had to learn that for my marriage. Then, I am working with a mental health condition that he has had to adapt.
Contact me if you would like to know more?
Show how you love your husband always,
Dr. G-
