christinajeanne's Journal

Sorry Self:

I'm sorry self for hurting you. I'm sorry self for breaking you. I'm sorry self for taking what other people said out on you. I'm sorry for making you feel bad. I'm sorry for not loving you. I feel guilty for the way I missused you. Please forgive me.

i wrote this poem today. I started thinking about how I hurt myself in the past with ED and self injury. Sometimes I feel guilty I did that to myself and still don't take very good care of myself now. It makes me sad that I don't love myself. It makes me sad I let other people tear me down and then I used it against myself. This poem was an apology for hurting myself. I don't know if I have totally forgiven myself but I'm thankful that I no longer hurt myself to the extent I did in the past.

I miss him:

I miss his loving arms. I miss getting lost in his brown eyes. I miss losing track of time. I miss holding hands. I miss cuddling next to him. I miss breathing next to you. I miss putting my head on your chest and feeling your heart beat. I hate that you are gone. I know you will be home again. I know my dreams will come true. I will be holding you again. Until that day comes I will wait patiently. I'll try to live my life the best that I can. It's hard to say goodbye but I know that we will say hello once again.

I wrote this poem today. It's about my fiance and how he is in prison and I miss him but I know I will see him again one day. It can be about any loss really. A pet or a parent or child because even though you can't see them they are still there with you in some way in spirit or memoires whatever you belive. And one day you will see them again.

Broken wings:

Everytime I try to fly I fall without my wings. I need another taste. I need something to fill this empty hole inside of me. Up and down. I cry myself to sleep at night. I'm the girl with broken wings. I'm the one you don't want. You don't know anything about me but you never ask. I'm lost inside my emptiness. I'm broken in my bitterness. Walking in this tangeld web trying to find myself I'm in a broken bitter world. I don't care. In my broken bitter empty world. It hurts too much to cry. I need to numb the pain give me something to fill me up.

I wrote this poem today. I guess it came about because I was feeling really lonely and I've struggled with making and keeping friends. Lately this issue has really been bothering me. I guess it's also about feeling empty and fillin ourselves up with things to fill the void. Both good and bad. Bad like drinking, smoking, drugs. Good like praying taking care of ourselves. ect...