Journal

 Oct 4, the night before my middle son's 17th birthday,1 year affter the death of my youngest sons father, we found out my big brother Marky had been laying dead in his trailer for 2-3 days.  I had been across the street catty corner calling over and over leaving messages, "Pick up the phone I know you're screening yourcallslike u always do... there's cops on your street you'd better come out and see what its all about. Let us in Aaron needs the bathroom..."  I saw more cop lights so I asked my friend scott to watch my kids and dog while I ran over to see what was happening on that block and when I turned the corner and saw my parents and my brother's one friend in the world and all the flashing red lights... everything changed. I became flooded with every emotion and yet devoid of them too.    My mothers lost her mind and im hoping she'll let God help her find it.  t no one but God can help with this kind of sorrow.  Mark is ok now.  Death isn't bad its the grieving and our living that are the hard parts.  I know through Christ God makes all things possible.  I believe my parents will come to know their Peace someday too.  if anyone reads this and believes in the word will u pray too.  I know Christ sits at the right hand of theFather interceeding for us. Praise God/  I feel like my world is tumbling.  I cry and weep and seem unreal but the God, Grace, and the Word is eternal and its what I've got!