Carry on My Wayword Son
October 20, 2008 3:01pm
Oct 4, the night before my middle son's 17th birthday,1 year affter the death of my youngest sons father, we found out my big brother Marky …
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vantron
6:01pm, November 22, 2008
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About Me
vantron
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About Me
A 39 year-old stay-at-home mother of 3 boys, a 20yr old college student, 16 yr old 2x Jr and and a special needs 13 year old who's father recently passed away, I seem to have lost myself: singer, dancer, elementary school teacher and UNM student and found a host of unmanageable symptoms in my place. I feel like a disease with feet when I'm at my worst and yet from that position can be such a beacon of light to other fellow sufferers because I know how they feel and can share how God has carried me through some horrific trials and tribulations. Not surprisingly other members of my family suffer from chronic pain also some remain trapped in a pit of drug addiction which I began climbing out of at age 13... Not every day successfully according to some but "Sobriety" takes on a whole new meaning when dealing with chronic pain and disease. I trust in God I have a pulse and I'm reaching out.
A 39 year-old stay-at-home mother of 3 boys, a 20yr old college student, 16 yr old 2x Jr and and a special needs 13 year old who's father recently passed away, I seem to have lost myself: singer, dancer, elementary school teacher and UNM student and found a host of unmanageable symptoms in my place. I feel like a disease with feet when I'm at my worst and yet from that position can be such a beacon of light to other fellow sufferers because I know how they feel and can share how God has carried me
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Journal
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Trading places
August 30, 2008 12:04pm
I m realizing that 14 years ago today I weighed 290 lbs after delvering a a 9lb8oz boy three week pre maturely . I had an open Csection …
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Sunday morning
August 3, 2008 10:55am
I woke and prayed, Lord thank you for making me your peaceful servent. Help me not be angry or reactive. Bless my children with an understanding …
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I shoulda known
July 26, 2008 4:03am
I can not believe how my cognitions and emotions vaccilate to such extremes. I don't even want to acknowlege my self loathing in contrast …
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Who'da thunk it
July 12, 2008 10:55pm
I'm sitting peacefully now at my ex-husband's, the father of my two older sons, house. We just ate dinner and in the other room …
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Support Groups
Close Chronic Pain
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- Cymbalta Working / Worked
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Working / Worked
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI never began any treatments until after my 2nd sons birth when I was 21. But my 1st suicide attempt was in the 2nd grade. I have a mix of diagnosis none greater than God so there's hope. My bad times are better and farther apart.
Treatments
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Working / Worked
- Greatest tool ever but must be used in conjunction with meds until I'm stable enough to be cognitive. I know when I'm in crisis my thinking is irrational and my therapist has to walk me through to rationality. Great literature out there on it helps too.
- Cymbalta Working / Worked
- new-again supposed to help with nerve pain also. tended to get me agitated.
- Elavil Not Working
- attempted suicide on it. overdosing on amitryptoline sucks beyond...
- Meditation Working / Worked
- I use focused meditation. Don't like to keep my my open because of unwanted thought and images. I meditate on positive passages from bible or 12 step books. or replacing pain in my body with colors.
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- MY words create my world. Plus what I bring around me
- Prozac Not Working
- IN PAST went absolutely psycho on it sliced myself to ribbons. very ashamed that I couldn't stop myself ended up hospitalized.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I have a great Therapist. multiple modalities including EMDR
- Seroquel Not Working
- too hung over, irritable, raised cholesterol +weight gain
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- I have to be very careful who I reach out to. A misguided person with good intention who doesn't understand can be more harmful than no support. I pray for the right people to help and get help from.
- Trazodone Not Working
- Too hung over -irritable
- Wellbutrin Working / Worked
- Tried this to stop smoking and ended up in the mental hospital. Strange how aggressive it made me yet weepy too. I was frighteningly labial.
- Writing Working / Worked
- When I do it it makes an enormous difference. writing is the ultimate validation of oneself . When I speak and I listen to me I feel better and seem more able to express myself to others in ways that lends to receiving support. When I don't write, silence myselfI tend to scream at the world around me because I'm so sad that no one cares or listens. Well I need to write. I need to listen to me, when I do others may to and if they don't so what I already have!
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- Seems to be the best one for me as I don't get "manic" on it. some dr say I'm Bi polar. My therapists say no you're depressed and have Severe PTSD(duh)
- Topamax Working / Worked
- seems to even things out for me and Im not gaining weight like I usually do on all the other meds
- Aygestin Working / Worked
- getting on the right cycle to control my periods helps my depression lift. Im more likea dog that wags its tail than a dog getting wagged by its tail now. We skip inactive pills.
