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babychick 
1:31pm, October 15, 2009
having a better day today, not feeling so bad. its wierd that one day im ok the next im feeling so low, emtional and basically feedup with the world. its like im on a permenante roller coaster and one i want to get off.
I got my third counselling session on tuesday and im not looking forward to it, in fact im dreading it.
she is really nice just find it hard to talk about it. i think im waiting for her to tell me what to do and i just want to wake up one day and feel that im ok and its all gone away.
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im so so tired of smiling, putting on a brave face and prentending that everything is ok. Im sick of people asking "hi, hows you" when they dont really care. Instead of saying how i really feel i just smile and say yeah im fine. why do people ask, when they clearly dont care, what would they say if i said, well no im not ok, im in a horriable place at the moment! I know what they would do they would run a mile!
Im not having a good week, I had my second counselling session and its brought so many emotions and anger, im not sure what to do with!
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You are doing great! You are not putting your depression on other people, .. that is a good thing. To do so drives them away and you are MORE alone. Work on your depression with your therapist (which you are doing). Counseling sessions can and probably will be "rough" because you are confronting the problem(s). The more you do that, the easier it gets, and the more you heal. That is what it's for. You are doing GREAT! Keep it up.
i cant beleive how life is so unfair.
babychick