dee42727's Journal

I've had depression most of my life with panic/anxiety disorder. I've seemed to have hit a new low. I say that because I finally asked for help. I have a real long history but hwta finally was the last straw invloved emotional abuse from my husband 2 days after I had a disabled child in the hospital with an unrelated illness that almost killed him.

I'm going through a very scarey change right now. I'm having to stand up to him and voice what I want. He wants me to stay at home but we can't get by unless I work. He only wants me to work when the kids are in school because he is a father of conveniance-only wants to be a dad when it is conveniant to him. He is passive aggressive and has severe, untreated depression he drowns in alchohol. But what am I to say. I drink with wellbutrin and xanax in my system. I do it all alone because the pain is just to severe and the fear of regaining my backbone is sometimes just overwhelming.

My husband is so unstable. Either he is angry, quiet and says nothing or crazy happy-just way to happy if you know what I mean. I think he could snap. I'm scared.

I have a therapist but she is probably half my age. What could she possibly know but at least I could dump all my grief on her and she can't tell a soul. That is the case isn't it? Doesn't it fall under doctor/patient privalage?