back on DS
October 20, 2008 3:02am
It's about time I got back on. I guess they don't wanna delete my account. I got on new meds that were working pretty well. I was OK for a …
blustarfish24
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About Me
blustarfish24
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About Me
I've had anxiety and OCD for as long as I can remember. At 13, after my parents officially separated, all of this worsened and I also became depressed, angry, and began feeling worthless, unwanted, and unloved. At the time I wasn't sure exactly why I was having these feelings but I'm learning that little by little. A few months ago I finally started seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist on a regular basis and got on meds for the second time. I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, OCD and had an unofficial diagnosis of BPD only because my psychiatrist doesn't really believe it exists. I'm not seeing her anymore.
I've had anxiety and OCD for as long as I can remember. At 13, after my parents officially separated, all of this worsened and I also became depressed, angry, and began feeling worthless, unwanted, and unloved. At the time I wasn't sure exactly why I was having these feelings but I'm learning that little by little. A few months ago I finally started seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist on a regular basis and got on meds for the second time. I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, OCD and had
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Interests
Dancing, kickboxing, yoga, pilates, shopping, medicine, reading, movies, music, interesting people
Dancing, kickboxing, yoga, pilates, shopping, medicine, reading, movies, music, interesting people
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Recent Activity
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Journal
This entry is private
This entry is private
This entry is private
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I will NEVER trust again!!!!
July 21, 2008 11:18pm
I hate men!!!! They lie and say they're not like the others and act like they're good guys and then they LIE. I'm so sick and tired of …
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Hugbook
Hug
We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action.
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Hug
End each day with thoughts of peace. Begin each day with thoughts of peace. Continue thinking thoughts of peace throughout your precious day and happiness will be yours.
Moment of Peace
Flower
I was thinking of you and wanted to send you some love and hugs...xoxoxoxoxo. I read your last journal you really have a way with words. I try some times to get how i feel out but it doesn't sound any thing like how you put it. Thanks for sharing your journals it helps me.....good.luck....love.you
Hug
Thank you for the hug... and right back at ya dear.. saw my email?
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI've suffered from depression for at least 10 years but in the past year it reached its second peak. I had suicidal thoughts almost every night as soon as I got home from work and would cry and takes meds to fall asleep so that morning would come sooner. I also dreaded the weekends because I knew I would be alone again and suffered through it. I still do but it's not as severe because of the meds I'm taking.
Treatments
- Celexa Somewhat Helpful
- I started it 6 or 7 months ago and I've been on 40 mg for the past 3 months. It worked really well at first but I'm not too sure it's working anymore. I know I need a higher dose but I tried that and it made me really really sleepy. Also gives me very realistic and unusual dreams
- Cymbalta Working / Worked
- Paxil Working / Worked
- I was on this 8 years ago and I loved it. I'm too scared to try it now because I hear people go through withdrawel. I never did but I don't want to take the chance again.
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- Like a temporary bandaid on my bad feelings. Might temporarily sometimes but the problems always come back. Negative thoughts have been a lifelong habit for me but if I'm more persistant with positive ones I may get results.
- Support from Friends & Family Somewhat Helpful
- I don't really feel like too many people understand and since I seem happy most of the time I don't want to scare them away or have them judge me.
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- Amazing if you go to sleep a few hours after you take it. Make me have weird dreams.
- Writing Working / Worked
- Writing works really well and helps clear my head. I'm usually too lazy to do it though and more than that I'm too scared of what might come out on the page. I'm not completely ready to face my emotions.
Close Anxiety
I've suffered from depression for at least 10 years but in the past year it reached its second peak. I had suicidal thoughts almost every night as soon as I got home from work and would cry and takes meds to fall asleep so that morning would come sooner. I also dreaded the weekends because I knew I would be alone again and suffered through it. I still do but it's not as severe because of the meds I'm taking.
Treatments
- Hypnotherapy Working / Worked
- Only tried it once and it was amazing.
- Paxil Working / Worked
- It was great but I'm too scared to get on it again because of withdrawl some people experience
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- Works for a short time sometimes. Better than negative thinking.
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- Helps me sleep really well.
Open Sexual Abuse
I was verbally sexually abused until I was 18 and after that I was sexually abused more than once by a man more than twice my age and raped by 2 other guys. I considered all of them friends before all this happened.
Open Breakups & Divorce
I just got out of a four year relationship with the guy who was my first and only love. The breakup wasn't as angry as it has been in the past but it still hurts to the point where it's unbearable. I was starting to become really close to him but things suddenly fell apart. Both of us agree that it will not work but that doesn't make the pain of not having him in my life any better.
Treatments
- Talking Working / Worked
- Helps only sometimes.
Open Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
I've had OCD since I was very young. I'm not sure it's genetic but I have other family members who also suffer from it. My OCD has changed forms and has improved a bit. It gets worse with stress though. I have very few rituals but I can control them a little bit and they don't interfere with my life. The worse part is the repetitive thoughts about things I don't want to think about. They won't stop and they're much harder to control.
