CloudDreamer's Journal

I really don't have a selected area of thought in this writing

other than the fact that I know I've not written anything for quite some time and figure that I had better do so...

I have been through doctor's appointments and scans again (as stated prior)... had a scan a lil bit back that showed that the nodes and nodules in question are still enlarged but have shrank slightly (yes slightly is the word the results states!)

What do they think it is?
I don't think they even know.

I do know this. I was put ont another antibiotic. Then my oncologist ran some more blood work (I'm still waiting for the results of that to come back!)

We're very thankful that the difference btwn the two scans that were a lil over a month apart does show some shrinking of the nodes/nodules. Why are they still enlarged? Guessing at this point awaiting for the blood work

Family doctor thought okay the antibiotics and steroids must have done some good w/ the "pleurisy" so lets do more antibiotics.

I was taken OFF of that antibiotic as it caused some serious side effects that from best I can figure could be something I might have to worry about the rest of my life... geeeeee thanks... LOL

AND the oncologist is looking to see if perhaps there is a disease/disorder going on, and then would be the "what has caused it" as it appears there always is an underlying outside agent introduced into one's body that causes this particular disorder/disease.

He says well surely it's not the antibiotic as you were just put on it. SOOOOO I'm waiting for the results still b4 I REMIND him that ALL of this started TWO DAYS AFTER I STARTED TAKING TAMOXIFEN!!!!!!!!!!   Sometimes I wonder if he really thinks things through b4 he speaks..... bless his heart.....

With these nodes/nodules involving my lungs I have no real energy. I am easily tired from doing  mostly nothing. I figure coupled w/ the after effects from the fatigue from the chemo and radiation... we're doing great!

Going to the grocery store is a TRIP w/in itself. Driving the 3 miles to the store is taxing. Walking around the store is very taxing... bending down to get anything from lower shelves is a joke, as the joint pain in my hips, lower back, knees, ankles is excrutiating trying to do so! By the time I get the grocery shopping done I've had so many bouts of hot flashes it isn't funny. I could  wring myself out that is for sure!

I was having a hot flash yesterday at the grocery store. I was in the frozen foods section PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!! Cuz it was a dooozey..... Some lady actually asked me if I was okay cuz I had backed myself up and leaned against the ice cream!        I told her I was going to be fine but thanked her for asking. Told her it was a hot flash. She said oh i know what those are like. Told her they were caused by tamoxifen. She had a friend on it. We spoke for quite awhile. She was inspired she said by my attitude. Told her I wasn't going to have any other attitude than the factor that I am going to beat all of this... that sure it is hard at times.. it's draining at times.. but that it could be a whole lot worse.. i could be in a grave right now..   thanks to a precious Heavenly Father I am not!!!!! It's to Him I owe my life to. be it right now w/ pain or whatever.. so be it.. I"m a'live...

So yes, even through the taxing trip to the store I was able to be a walking witness of what God can and does do for us ...     My one son said "hog wash" but I told him that God "showed his favor in my witness" by makiing a lane open for me to check out just as I was needing it while the lanes around me were full. I was the first person to get the new lane... he said he didn't believe that was cuz of that. I said "Oh ye of lil faith!"

I am hoping for more energy. I pray for it. Hoepfully if this is this disorder/ disease whatever he's calling it... hopefully if it's cuz of the tamoxifen they can do sometheing about it/for it.

I know I'm not on much anymore. I still think of you all so much.. and hope and pray that things are going well in your lil corner of the world.....

I guess this hodge podge is coming to a close.. as its 7 at night and I haven't eaten supper  yet.

Praying that you all are doing well and are having a great summer....