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ScorpioBliss 
10:29am, March 24, 2009
I wanted to make sure I journaled how I'm doing to look at later.
My life has taken a SPECTACULAR turn for the best. I'm all moved in my new house now, I've got my new puppy, and I'm away from the controlling, manipulative man I was with for 6 years. My life has such meaning. It always did, but I lost it along the way. I do not speak to him at all, and requested for him to never contact me again. So far, so good.
I don't have a lot of money now that I'm out on my own, but I'm ok. It's just so nice enjoying going home. To enjoy being in a place that I'm content and happy. I have a 30 minute drive to work now, instead of 5 minutes. But I'm ok with that, too. The most important thing is I'M HAPPY. Money & material doesn't make your happiness. I've made my own happiness, I've made my choices.
To any of you that make excuses "I can't leave, I can't amke it on my own" BS !!!! I literally have cut my food bill over 1/2 of what it was. I don't get things I don't need. I bring my lunch to work, I don't go out. There's all kinds of ways you can make it work. Quit excusing your misery... you've allowed it and you continue to, just as I did. I WON'T allow it anymore.
Anyway, I'm doing well. I'm not going to be on this site much only because I have decided I'm not going to deal with excuses anymore of self pity. Too many on here expect pity, and can't grasp they need to take control of their situation and GO WITH IT. I hope I have instilled many helpful suggestions as to get better. They DO work, but ONLY if you apply them DAILY. Several times a day. Have patience, be good to yourself. Don't abuse things ... that's showing you have no respect for yourself. When I came on here, I wanted help. I didn't want pity, I WANTED ways to get better. I applied them. I used them EVERYDAY and still do. I won't allow negativity into my life anymore. I've always wanted to help and I hope I have. But so many are still in that pity party and I sometimes wonder if they are addicted to unhappiness. I can't be in that place... and I won't. Don't expect to get better if you can't appreciate yourself enough to work on YOU. Nobody else can do it for you. Only YOU are able to make things happen.
To all of my friends, I will check in from time to time. I wish everyone well, happiness, and peace. May you all find the happiness I've found, it really is worth it. Be diligent, be positive and most of all LOVE yourself enough to take charge.
UPDATED GOALS
Be a happy person
Progress 100%
Encouragements: 8
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Comments
Monday and what a wonderful, beautiful day it is.
I'm finding that I have a magnificent sense of "calm" about myself since my relationship with Kevin has ended. I'm sleeping really well, and just feel so .... I guess the word is LIBERATED. I'm sleeping in another bedroom, and the weekend was nice. He did his own thing and stayed away from the house Friday and Sat. and spent the entire day in the garage on Sunday. The house is big enough to where we really don't HAVE to be around each other. So, while I'm excited to get out on my own, things are ok right now but I wouldn't want to live this way for another several months. I want my own place and I'm hoping it's not going to take long at all. I think I'm going to call my brother and ask if he could afford to lend me some money. (I know he can, it's a matter of if he will...lol) In a sense, he OWES me. He really screwed me over when I took him in years ago, and he's doing very well now and I'm hoping he can return the favor. I don't expect him to, but I'm hoping he will. That would really help me out.
I'm feeling fantastic, my life is becoming what I NEED it to be, and I've made it happen. I will continue to do even more to establish where I am today and to STAY where I am. I want happiness, I have happiness, and will continue to do everything I MUST do to stay in this lovely place I call inner peace.
Comments
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that inner peace is a nice place to be. good to hear that you are getting some relief from the unhappy relationship. hoping it all works out for you. love ya . Guy xxxx
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My happiness continue to be your friend
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LeAnne- You are about to embark on a different journey in your life,EMBRACE IT! I am so proud of you.
Many,Many,Blessings!
Susan
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I wish you the best and peace stay with you
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I shared with my ex for a few months (this was years ago) before we sold our house so I can understand what it's like for you. Good luck with your brother. If that doesn't work then something else will - it always does xxxx
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Don't count on the "return" (to he "owes" me). Be good to yourself. You have a wonderful smile and you deserve to let the world see it.
February !!!!! yiPPIEEEEEEEEEE 
I saw my first robin the other day which is a GREAT sign ! Seems a little early, but who cares... lol 
I finally spoke to Kevin about "our problems". I was sick to my stomach, but I knew it was something that had to be done. He sat silently as he listened to how unhappy I am with our relationship. I accept "him", but I don't accept how I'm treated in our relationship. I spoke my true feelings (which felt FANTASTIC) and put everything out there. I knew I was taking a risk of being told "if you don't like it, then get out" (since I've heard that so many times) but I was cool,calm and collected. He did not say anything about that, as I said, he was silent. I told him to think about everything I said, and if he was unable to give me what I NEED in a relationship, it was time for me to go. After 5 years, I deserve MUCH better than what I've been receiving, which is existence in a home with someone who I don't communicate with, show affection with, and who I'm constantly getting disrespected and belittled by. He knows I've changed and I'm not that little mouse in the corner too afraid to confront the cat anymore. He's made it very well known HE holds the high hand in this relationship (money wise) and that "someone has to wear the pants in the family" Well NO, that's NOT how it works. And that's NOT how I'm going to live anymore. I work 40 hours a week, too and I deserve better.
I'm now a strong, confident woman and I'm going to live my life as such. If he chooses not to be in it, then that's HIS problem, NOT mine.
I know I did the right thing for ME and it's about damn time !!!! The rest is up to him.
Comments
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Wow. I'm stunned. You've communicated what you need to sooo well. These are the kind of conversations I hope to get better at over time - ie, no anger, no defensiveness, just plain honest communication and not a victim in sight. That's the way to do it!
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I am proud of you, and I did not expect anything less of you. It seems that the time is right for you to know if he is in your life for :-) a simple reason, for a longer season, or... for lifetime.
I hope that everything is going to settle the way it is best for you - for all of you.
Lisa
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LeAnn!
I am soo proud of you!!! Even if things don't work out,you finally are your own woman. It has to be like a giant weight off your shoulders. The ball is in his court,let's see where he runs with it.
GOOD JOB! GIRLFRIEND,GOOD JOB!!
Your friend,
Susan
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Oh! and speaking about robins... I like to watch cardinals; it's so exciting to get to see one around, especially if we have snow - the contrast with their bright red feathers is so nice. We see them all through the winter here, just need patience...
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Hi LeAnne,
You have grown so much since we first met and have become so strong. I'm glad you communicated your feelings and needs in a quiet confident manner. I hope he can change, but if he can't, I know you can make it on your own. I also hope he doesn't take this as just another threat figuring you can't make it on your own. You know you can't be like the boy who cried wolf too many times. I'm very proud of you and hoping all goes well and you get what you want. And also thanks for being there for me. I'm always here for you.
Hugs
Elaine
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Thank you all so much for standing beside me through all of this. I talk to you all on here more than I talk to my hometown friends. I really appreciate your insight and advice. You're a great group of friends and I respect and cherish our friendship :)
P.S. Lisa ... I'm an avid bird watcher :) I love watching the cardinals, although we have them here year round. They will start "courting" soon. Keep an eye out for the male feeding the female :):) It's really neat to watch !
Love to you all and thanks again, it means a lot to me !
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LeAnne,
that is great how openly and honestly you expressed yourself. Good for you! You deserve only the best. :)
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scorp, good for you. xxxx
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LeAnne
You definitely deserve the best. I'm glad that you stood up for yourself. Hope you have a GREAT day.
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TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!! heck yea sweetheart. you or nobody deserves to be disrespected. i am soooooo proud of you hunybuns, now just keep trusting that you will know what to do whenever you need to do anything. Love ya.
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You go girl! Proud to be your friend!
Past Entries
| January 2009 |
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Friday, 1/30
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Wednesday, 1/21
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Monday, 1/12
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December 2008 |
Tuesday, 12/23
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Thursday, 12/04
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Thursday, 12/04
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November 2008 |
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Tuesday, 11/18
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Tuesday, 11/11
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October 2008 |
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Tuesday, 10/28
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Wednesday, 10/08
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September 2008 |
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Friday, 9/19
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Monday, 9/08
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August 2008 |
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Friday, 8/22
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Monday, 8/11
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Tuesday, 8/05
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July 2008 |
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Monday, 7/28
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Friday, 7/18
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Wednesday, 7/16
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Friday, 7/11
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Thursday, 7/10
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Wednesday, 7/09
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Tuesday, 7/08
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Tuesday, 7/08
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Thursday, 7/03
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Wednesday, 7/02
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June 2008 |
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Monday, 6/30
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Friday, 6/27
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Thursday, 6/26
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Goal Updated
Congratulations... Stay happy and well!
ClaudiaD
I am sp happy to hear you are doing well
Kellie58
I'm glad to hear you are doing well. I understand much of what you say. I felt sort of bad (and I told my counselor this) that when I've been better and panic free and anxiety free in the past that I had little tolerance for people who are struggling. Probably for the same reason. But, when the panic/anxiety/agoraphobia hits I suddenly plead with God like an alcoholic who says they promise not to drink when their head is spinning.
I think it is part of this condition. Sometimes like you say you did for a long time we go in circles and have a hard time breaking out of the cycle.
I do hope that when I am better that I can help others who struggle with this. However, I am not a counselor who is trained so I will make sure to direct people to the pros who know how to gently guide.
Good Luck and feel free to pop in and see us. Who knows, we may all be gone and new group of people who are in their Kindergarten of this disorder will be on here.
Love you for all the help you have given me, Betsy
Want2Bbetter
Hi LeAnne
Glad you have journalled this when you are going through it, it comes straight from the heart then, and wonderful to read back later.
I can hear you are happier, more content and probably are having many different thoughts going through your mind, BUT, you have definately made one of the most POSITIVE steps of you and your childrens life, I just love SUCCESS stories:):):)
I miss your support and POSITIVENESS you blossom onto others, but am so glad you are finding your way ~ boy ~ you must feeling a million dollars girl :):)
The group is still thriving, and YES!!! I know what you mean about people and their addictiveness to misery ~ geez ~ it was driving me mad on DS ~ I was becoming an Agony Aunt.
Best of luck in the future, I will be in touch, but I know you will be very busy getting things in order. I hope you and your children thrive from your life changes, I know you will LeAnne, I just know it.
Love Beth xxxxxxxxxxxxx
AngelEyezz