orchid11's Journal

If you read on, please realize that this isn't going to be as organized or as "with-it" as I've been told my forum posts usually are...that's why this is here in my journal....I am just having a rough, weird day/week/year...whatever.  I can't decide whether to feed depressed or optomistic today.  I am just getting over a week-long flu that triggered these horrible migraine headaches.  So I was either sweatin' my ars off with fever, puking, on the toilet, or crying from the pain in my head.  I (again) felt guilty for being a burden on my husband, just when I was getting a lot of my independence back after my injury.  I felt guilty for not being able to give my little Ginger Bear as much attention as usual.  I love her, and when she comes up to me holding one of her little toys my heart just breaks if I can't play with her because I'm sick.  *sigh*  My birthday was on Monday - I spent it eating/drinking clear fluids.  I'm hoping to get a nice celebration in sometime later when all of this crap in my life (read on....) has passed.  My husband's grandfather is dying of  cancer as I write this.  I am so so very sad about it.  His cancer was discovered at almost the same time last year as I got my SI joint injury.  I really really dislike being in hospitals, and I cannot imagine dying in one, as he is.  They *might* get him comfortable enough to go home, but it's doubtful.  He is such a wonderful, nice man.  My husband is the way he is (wonderful) largely because of his grandfather.  He was so healthy and ALIVE for a man in his 80s before he got his diagnosis (stage 4 colon cancer) and started chemo.  Now, maybe within a couple weeks, we'll be putting him in the ground.  Why do we put our dead in the ground? I can't even stand the thought of someone putting me in the ground someday.

I was VERY happy to watch all the inaugural activities yesterday on TV.  With our telescope, we could actually see the flags on the capitol building from our windows!  I'm so glad Obama got elected, but he's so right, we're going to have to drag ourselves out of this mess, starting now.  I was a little weirded out, though, that the capitol building was lit up like a torch all night.  Is this part of Obama's new energy policy?  This is EXACTLY the type of wastefulness and indulgence that should go out the window, in my opinion.  As Obama loves to point out, we need more than rhetoric right now - we need action for the better.

Anyway, right now I'm just feeling like Humpty Dumpty again.  It seems like if it's not one thing it's another with this pelvic instability sometimes.  While I was sick I was irresponsibly walking around the apartment in my bare feet.  I am always supposed to have shoes on (1) to maintain the arch in my foot which flattens on weight bearing and (2) because I have a small heel lift inside my right shoe because my right leg is truly (not functionally) slightly shorter than my left.  I think this going without shoes caused my SI joint to get effed up a bit, so my piriformis is in spasm AGAIN!!!  My husband and I fixed it (I think), but I am seriously getting so sick of this.  The prolo is working but it is sooooooo slow.  I'm just wondering what in my hypermobile body is going to go next and leave me in excruciating pain.  It's very depressing and hard not to think about.  Oh well, I guess there's nothing I can do........except not do stupid things like wear no shoes.

Thanks for reading, and I really hope that everybody is doing good!