Aseret's Journal

Brush your teeth, every morning. No matter what else happens, do that and you are on your way. Just keeping a routine is a way to counteract the craziness. It is a “responsible, adult” thing to do and is a start. Just do it. Your dentist, mother and everyone you encounter will be glad you did.

Take out the trash. Just get it out of the house. Someday you can try getting it out on the right day.

Be realistic. It will hurt, but don’t try to block bad moments. Be ready for them. Let those hurting moments come, deal with them and let them go.

Take care of yourself physically. Eat right. Exercise (or at least watch someone else). If nothing else, jog your memory.

Leave the word “ought” out of this holiday season. Work at lifting depression. Take responsibility for yourself. We cannot wait for someone else to wrap up some joy and give it to us. We have to do that for ourselves. Think of things you enjoy and give yourself a treat occasionally.

Buy a gift. Buy a gift for yourself. Wrap it, but don’t hide it! Just when you think you are going “off the deep end”, open it up and enjoy. While you are buying a gift for yourself, buy one for your loved one as well. Wrap it up and give it away to someone who might not otherwise have a gift. Pass on the love you shared together and it can never die.

Breathe. In and out, in and out. It’s that simple and that hard. Some days just breathing is all you can manage. Other days it’s a bit easier, so relax and enjoy those moments when you can remember your loved one’s life instead of focusing only on the death.

Hang the stockings; place a wreath on the grave. Do whatever feels right for you and your family.

Make a snow angel. Get outside. Catch snowflakes. Build a sand castle. Take a memory walk.

Surviving really isn’t too hard. Living can be. No matter how crazy the world or out of “snyc” you feel, don’t lose the treasure of your loved one’s presence in your life. You don’t have to say good-bye. You don’t stop loving someone just because he or she died. 

Claim your grief and your unique way of surviving. Do whatever it takes to remember the life of your loved one, not just the death.  Each footprint is unique, each hurt is different, and each snowflake the only one ever created. Your love is real, just as is your pain. But leave the regrets behind in the slush.  

Bring the joy of loving with you into this holiday season. Let its memory light your world. Our loved ones died, but we did not lose them.  

Time and space become meaningless for us. The bonds between us are too strong to let death sever the ties. So light a candle and whisper a thank you for the moments you traveled together. Our arms may be empty, but the heart is full. And every time you see a snowflake or just imagine one, remember to cherish its unique design and pattern… and to cherish your unique footprint through grief.