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HeaveToo 
8:05pm, November 16, 2009
In 2008 I watched my entire world come crumbling down. In January 2008 I had been promoted to Sergeant and moved to a fixed midnight shift. I enjoyed being a Sergeant and I was known for looking out for my men.
May of 2008 is when all the problems began. I lost my Sergeant promotion for something that happened on a scene I was in charge of (Monday Morning Quarterbacks and office Politics are such a pain in the ass). I was demoted and placed directly back on the squad where I was a Sergeant. Furthermore, another person was promoted to Sergeant and placed directly overtop of me.
My marriage was having issues as well. I could see the end coming but I was desperately trying to get things to work. My wife had changed drastically in the past 3 years and she was now incredibly selfish and she had no concept of money or anything like that. She would spend money that we didn't have and charge things on credit cards. I had taken over the joint account because she wasn't managing it well and I ended up giving it back to her because I could no longer handle the stress with what all was going on in my life between work and a few other things.
In the first part of June I went on Vacation. I had spent some time in Virginia Beach with my wife and things were great. Great isn't the word, things were perfect. After Virginia Beach I had gone out on my sailboat for a week to cruise around the Chesapeake Bay. While I was out I found some things on my laptop that concerned me. My wife had been searching things like "Christian Reasons for Divorce" and "Preparing for divorce." I called her and asked her about this and she said that she just did this when she was mad at me.
The week after I came back from Vacation I was thrown right into the office politics again. The work environment was HORRIBLE. I went to work one night and started feeling this horrible pain in my lower back. I got sick and a supervisor sent me home.
My wife was out housesitting at the time. I called her and told her what was going on. She said that she had a migraine and she couldn't drive at the time (She was housesitting, supposedly, but I don't know where she was housesitting or even had a phone number to the house). Later on that evening I called her again. I begged her to take me to the hospital because I was having horrible pain in my lower back and I was on the floor in a ball. She said that she still had the migraine and couldn't drive. I drove myself to the ER and turned out that I had passed a kidney stone while I was en route to the ER. I felt a little betrayed that my wife couldn't even come to the ER while I was in there.
The following Monday I had been put out of work because my blood pressure was through the roof. This was caused from work problems and problems with my wife. I had gone to the Doctor that day because of the kidney stones and the doctor saw that my blood pressure was reading 220/110. This isn't good because I had a heart attack already when I was 28 and I have a stint in my heart (Genetics are a bitch).
That evening I was home with my wife. I had just told her about what the doctor had said and about being put out of work for two weeks. I then told my wife that I was going to go to bed because I was tired. I went to kiss her on the cheek but she pulled away. I asked her what was going on and she said that she no longer feels that way about me. She believed that we should separate and be apart. I left the house that evening and went to my boat where I lived for the next few months until I could find my own place. My wife had refused to go to marriage counseling and she told me that she felt trapped in the marriage.
When I got back to work the office politics continued. It was a stressful environment and I should have left there in September. I tried to stick it out because I didn't want to make anymore big changes.
In November my wife started the divorce proceedings. She got the house and most of the stuff there. I basically ended up with my boat and my truck and that was it.
In the end of November the office politics took a turn for the worse. I saw that they were trying to really mess with me. I decided to leave at that point because I had enough.
When I left I didn't realize how bad the economy was. I am still looking for a job, I have moved out of my place and I am living with my parents, and the divorce was finalized in January.
In the span of six months I lost my house, my job, and my wife. These are all of the things that I thought made me successful in life.
I am still getting by and something is bound to come up for me. I have gotten myself back in very good physical shape as I swim 3-5 times a week 50 minutes a time. My health has come back and my blood pressure is good again. I am no longer having anxiety issues and the depression that I had is under control.
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. This is very true in life. We all are forced to live through tough times, but when we make it through these are the times that shape our personality much more than the good times. It is always darkest before the dawn, but even in my darkest hour I knew that I would live through this mess, be back on top of things, and in a better situation soon.
I hope that my story helps you out. Things happen for a reason. We don't always know what is best for us, often times we think that we do, but in the end we must find the right path. This path is the one that is shown to us by the trials of life. It will not always be flat and straight. Often times it will be winding and up hill. The only thing you can do in the difficult parts is to take a step at a time and rest when you are tired. The most important thing to do is keep taking those steps forward and don't look back until you have reached the top. Through determination and sheer willpower you will make it.
May of 2008 is when all the problems began. I lost my Sergeant promotion for something that happened on a scene I was in charge of (Monday Morning Quarterbacks and office Politics are such a pain in the ass). I was demoted and placed directly back on the squad where I was a Sergeant. Furthermore, another person was promoted to Sergeant and placed directly overtop of me.
My marriage was having issues as well. I could see the end coming but I was desperately trying to get things to work. My wife had changed drastically in the past 3 years and she was now incredibly selfish and she had no concept of money or anything like that. She would spend money that we didn't have and charge things on credit cards. I had taken over the joint account because she wasn't managing it well and I ended up giving it back to her because I could no longer handle the stress with what all was going on in my life between work and a few other things.
In the first part of June I went on Vacation. I had spent some time in Virginia Beach with my wife and things were great. Great isn't the word, things were perfect. After Virginia Beach I had gone out on my sailboat for a week to cruise around the Chesapeake Bay. While I was out I found some things on my laptop that concerned me. My wife had been searching things like "Christian Reasons for Divorce" and "Preparing for divorce." I called her and asked her about this and she said that she just did this when she was mad at me.
The week after I came back from Vacation I was thrown right into the office politics again. The work environment was HORRIBLE. I went to work one night and started feeling this horrible pain in my lower back. I got sick and a supervisor sent me home.
My wife was out housesitting at the time. I called her and told her what was going on. She said that she had a migraine and she couldn't drive at the time (She was housesitting, supposedly, but I don't know where she was housesitting or even had a phone number to the house). Later on that evening I called her again. I begged her to take me to the hospital because I was having horrible pain in my lower back and I was on the floor in a ball. She said that she still had the migraine and couldn't drive. I drove myself to the ER and turned out that I had passed a kidney stone while I was en route to the ER. I felt a little betrayed that my wife couldn't even come to the ER while I was in there.
The following Monday I had been put out of work because my blood pressure was through the roof. This was caused from work problems and problems with my wife. I had gone to the Doctor that day because of the kidney stones and the doctor saw that my blood pressure was reading 220/110. This isn't good because I had a heart attack already when I was 28 and I have a stint in my heart (Genetics are a bitch).
That evening I was home with my wife. I had just told her about what the doctor had said and about being put out of work for two weeks. I then told my wife that I was going to go to bed because I was tired. I went to kiss her on the cheek but she pulled away. I asked her what was going on and she said that she no longer feels that way about me. She believed that we should separate and be apart. I left the house that evening and went to my boat where I lived for the next few months until I could find my own place. My wife had refused to go to marriage counseling and she told me that she felt trapped in the marriage.
When I got back to work the office politics continued. It was a stressful environment and I should have left there in September. I tried to stick it out because I didn't want to make anymore big changes.
In November my wife started the divorce proceedings. She got the house and most of the stuff there. I basically ended up with my boat and my truck and that was it.
In the end of November the office politics took a turn for the worse. I saw that they were trying to really mess with me. I decided to leave at that point because I had enough.
When I left I didn't realize how bad the economy was. I am still looking for a job, I have moved out of my place and I am living with my parents, and the divorce was finalized in January.
In the span of six months I lost my house, my job, and my wife. These are all of the things that I thought made me successful in life.
I am still getting by and something is bound to come up for me. I have gotten myself back in very good physical shape as I swim 3-5 times a week 50 minutes a time. My health has come back and my blood pressure is good again. I am no longer having anxiety issues and the depression that I had is under control.
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. This is very true in life. We all are forced to live through tough times, but when we make it through these are the times that shape our personality much more than the good times. It is always darkest before the dawn, but even in my darkest hour I knew that I would live through this mess, be back on top of things, and in a better situation soon.
I hope that my story helps you out. Things happen for a reason. We don't always know what is best for us, often times we think that we do, but in the end we must find the right path. This path is the one that is shown to us by the trials of life. It will not always be flat and straight. Often times it will be winding and up hill. The only thing you can do in the difficult parts is to take a step at a time and rest when you are tired. The most important thing to do is keep taking those steps forward and don't look back until you have reached the top. Through determination and sheer willpower you will make it.
Comments
Sometimes when you win you loose, and when you loose you really win. It is a tough concept that winning can be loosing and loosing can be winning, but if you put the final outcome in the perspective you can see where the truth lies. Often times, in life, you neither win or loose. This is the case in divorce and domestic strife.
In the end, most of the time it doesn't matter if you win or you loose. What matters is how you played the game. If you played the game honorably and you stood by your beliefs then you have won no matter what the outcome really is.
HeaveToo
"If you played the game honorably and you stood by your beliefs then you have won no matter what the outcome really is."
And to me, this is what it means to be an honorable and good person.
CitizenSoon
Way to go - I always knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel for you!
Carebear64
You're a stronger person for having been through all that you have. Believe & Keep faith. Things will turn around :)
KNWK4me
You've come a long way since the beginning. I hope you see how your life has changed and gotten better. I know the job situation for you is tight right now, but that will change. You've found the silver lining in lots of very sad things--you'll continue to do that.
hurtinandhealin2560
It's amazing that with all that you have been through you can still be so positive.I wish I had the same strenght and positivity. Best of luck to you
Susmar
Heave - thanks for helping me put some things into perspective - I am feeling so much tension, and can't identify the reason. With all that you've been through, my friend, I need to step back and really think about what my priorities are. I have a job, I have a home, I have two incredible children. All is well....
SandySan
Cheers to you Heave....God bless you.
gdowns
You are so brave and strong to have gone through so much and still have such a good attitude. My SIL is in law enforcement and is going through the same office politics stupidity too, and he is their best detective. Go figure.
Anyway, I wanted you to know that your words mean a lot to me and I am so grateful that you shared them.
Bert55
Thanks for sharing... I appreciate it... it helps.
Best wishes
xxxLxxx
With this journal you gave encouragement, thank you for that.
solongbye
I guess this is a lesson I need to learn as well... every cloud has a silver lining and you've inspired me to look for mine... Thank You!!
Czarna
Wow...just wow.
MonkeyB0y
A positive encouraging story Heave.
You were honorable and true and in the end that's what counts. When we go to meet our maker they don't talk about how big our bank accounts were or how many houses we owned, but they always talk about what kind of person we are.
You're one of the good guys and things will turn around for you.
I'm glad to see you've got your health issues back under control.
SouthernFriedYank
Keep going for the prize.
matt784
This is very inspiring! Thank you for sharing your journey. I hope that you can find a job soon and that things get even better for you!
piper5403
Love this entry you wrote in your journal. Saw you're trying to qualify as a 'contender' for a job. Good luck . . . I'll keep thinking of it until you update us with more. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. All in all, they are really uplifting and you should be proud you took the high road.
gocolts
Wow! Your trouble started about the same time mine took yet another plunge toward the abyss. I hope you caught my response to getting your avatar tattooed on your shoulder. Speaking of shouders, mine is yours for leaning anytime. I might have to ask the same of you one day.
peace-
Deramo
KingDeramo
Incredibly inspirational, Heave. Well done, truly well done.
Amystrong
Wow, I loved reading this. I'm glad things are better for you and this is inspiring for me too, this was good for me to read. Keep on being strong, and thanks for writing this.
closer
Thanks for sharing this... it's good to see that one can survive this kind of nightmare with such a good attitude as you have... I certainly hope your last statement is true and that I have found my willpower and determination again to get thru mine. Good luck on the job hunt, hope you have found something that suits you well and does not stress you out.
CheriS
Thank you for sharing. Keep your chin up and continue to gain strebgth with each new day :)
dodges66
amazing tale thanx for your patience to write it all out so fully. sometimes we just give the bare bones cos we dont want to bore people believe me that is not a boring saga from the sea
and it is so true for my life too as a beeping beeping beeper! very bad suicidal depressions but i reckon i am learning that with all this Shit there must be a pony.
Bless you dinah
dinahmorris
:)
mawoods1