Journal

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE I LAST WROTE. WHERE DO I START. LOL. IM INVOLVED WITH A GREAT GUY FROM MY PAST DESPITE ITS A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP OVER 1200 MILES APART THE LAST JUST OVER TWO MONTHS HAVE BEEN GREAT IN HAVING HIM IN MY LIFE ONCE AGAIN. WE DATED ON AND OFF FOR JUST OVER A YEAR IN THE EARLY 1990s WHEN WE WERE LIVING IN THE SAME TOWN. HE HAD A CAREER AND AT THE TIME I WAS FIGHTING AND LOSING CUSTODY OF MY OLDEST SON JASPER. I MOVED AWAY NEVER TELLING THIS GUY WHO I CALL "d" WHERE I WAS GOING. IN AUGUST 2009 I FOUND HIM ON A FACEBOOK GROUP AND DECIDED TO TAKE THE CHANCE AND SEND HIM A MSG. A BIT OF ME WAS AFRAID WHAT HED SAY OR WRITE BACK IF HE DID AS I HAD REJECTION FROM AN EX JUST TWO MONTHS BEFORE. "d" AND I HIT OFF LIKE THE YEARS NEVER PAST. HE WAS JUST THINKING OF ME ABOUT A WEEK BEFORE I SENT HIM A MSG. WE'VE BEEN TALKING EVER SINCE MOSTLY ONLINE BUT WE ALSO TALK ON THE PHONE AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK. I THOUGHT WE WERE SEEING EACH OTHER BACK THAN BUT HE SAID DIFFERENTLY AND WE NEVER "TECHICALLY BROKE UP" WE JUST DRIFTED MORE LIKE I DRIFTED AWAY FROM HIM. I TOLD HIM I DIDNT WANT HIM TO GET TO INVOLVED WITH WHAT WAS HAPPENING IN MY LIFE AT THE TIME HE TOTALLY UNDERSTOOD. WE'VE ALWAYS HAD GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS WHEN IT CAME TO EACH OTHER. NOW ITS LIKE WE ARE TALKING EVEN MORE AND LEARNING MORE ABOUT EACH OTHER. THERE IS ALOT OF POSITIVES ALONG WITH A LOT OF NEGATIVES WITH HAVING A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP BUT WE BOTH ARE WILLING TO MAKE IT WORK. ONE NEGATIVE WE BOTH OUT IS HARD IS NOT BEING THERE PHYICALLY FOR EACH OTHER WHEN THE OTHER IS NEEDING A HUG OR JUST SOMEONE. LAST NIGHT I WAS ONLINE AND HE CAME ONLINE. HES HAVING ABIT OF ROUGH TIME AND SO AM I BUT WE WERE THERE FOR EACH OTHER AND THERE TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER. WE CAN ALWAYS MAKE EACH OTHER LAUGH EVEN WHEN WE ESP ME WANT TO CRY. SOMEHOW HE FEELS WHAT IM FEELING EVEN THOUGH HE LIVES FAR AWAY. IM THE SAMEWAY WITH HIM. I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP AND I FELT IT. WE ARE PLANNING FOR ME TO GO OUT TO SEE HIM AND HES GOING TO COME OUT TO SEE ME. WE ARE ALSO TALKING ME MOVING BACK TO THE CITY WHERE WE MET IN JUST OVER TWO YEARS. WE TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPEND IN EACH OTHER DAY AND IT HELPS JUST HAVING SOMEONE THER. HES ALSO TELLIN ME THAT MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE A BREAK FROM TRYING TO TAKING TOO MUCH ON AT UNITY HOUSE. IM OVERDOING IT WAY TOO MUCH. IM IN THE KITCHEN, IN THE BUSINESS PART AND DOING OTHER THINGS TOO. A MEMBER TOLD ME WHEN OTHERS WERE AROUND THAT OUT OF ALL THE MEMBERS AT UNITY HOUSE IM THE ONE THAT SEEMS TO DOING EVERYTHING WHILE OTHERS JUST SIT AROUND. "d" TOTALLY AGREES. IM NOT DOING ANYTHING AT UNITY HOUSE THIS WEEKEND BUT TODAY I MADE MY HOMEMADE SOUP AND HELPED TO MAKE LUNCH. I JUST ABOUT BLEW A GASKET WHEN SOMEONE MADE A COMMENT ABOUT THE LUNCH. I FELT GOING OUT TO HIM AND TELLING HIM IF HE MAKES A COMMENT LIKE HE DID MAYBE HE SHOULD EAT ELSEWHERE TO TRY BEING IN THE KITCHEN. NON OF OTHER MEMBERS REALIZE HOW MUCH OF HARD WORK IT TAKES TO PREP AND SERVE FOR THE MEMBERS. IM SO FED UP WITH UNITY HOUSE AND CANT WAIT TILL I SEE "d" AND HE COMES OUT HERE. "d" SAID I WONT BE COOKING HE WILL BE DOING ALL THE COOKING I TOLD HIM I WANT TO MAKE ONE MEAL.LOL

THE ANIMALS ARE FINE. ECHO WENT MISSING  SO I ONLY HAVE SCRATCH AND AZAR. 

THIS MORNING AROUND 6AM WE HAD A THUNDERSTORM I WAS OUTSIDE TAKING PICS.

 I did talk to the staff at unity house about the attack. i told them what happend and i didnt want to be around him at all. things have changed. he was making the thursday dinner for unity house last week i came in and asked him if he wanted help he said yes because he knew i could do the job better than anyone else. it went real good. we are talking and hanging out. hes never apolized out right but i can see from his actions hes sorry. i will always have that incident in the back of my mind.

i was dating a younger guy for just over two weeks but broke it off for good today. he was 10 yrs younger than i. he was very immature and it was almost like i was his mother. i had to tell him to shower, clean up his mess ect. i finally had enough and told him ive had enough i had to turn on what i call the mommy mode to him a few days ago. apparently it didnt work. i told him if i wanted another child id have one that i carry for 9 months not a immature 27 yrs old. 

ive reconnected an ex from about 14 yrs ago but hes not the reason why i ended it with the  27 yr old. i realized today when he tried to give me a hug today i pulled away and was grossed out he hardly ever bathed. i shower twice a day and use deorant ect he never did. after he left i felt empowered and felt good for the first time since i was with him.

as for the ex ive reconnected with im going to see him within 2 months. we are talkng every day online and have exchanged numbers. we are going to see if we are going to give it another chance. he lives 3 provinces away and hes going to help me with the expense of going out to to see him and the other expenses that go with the trip. im curious where it goes if anywhere i guess we'll see where it goes. hes also 7 yrs older than i. i gave dating a younger guy a chance im think im going to stick to at least one older one