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nikovdh 
8:53pm, June 28, 2008
--Great--
I moved into a condo with my brother. We no longer have to deal with our step dad. Big stress relief.
I've been more able to move around more.
--Bad--
Breathing problem worsening, most of the time I have to assume that I'm breathing. It feels
so inflated and puffy when I breathe, if that makes any sense. (perhaps thats what asthma feels like). I think I have cancer and will die soon.
I still haven't found a job. Its getting terribly ridiculous. I do not think I will be able to handle a job very long though with my breathing problem.
Comments
I'm not posting this because I have an eating disorder, because I don't. However, one of my major interests is Nutrition, and I am excited that I have been able to add more foods to my diet this year, as my food sensitivities are lessening. I am very much into routines and doing the same thing, that some might say it is OCD, although I've never been diagnosed as OCD.
7:00 - small plain cottage cheese, spoon of peanut butter, handful of blueberries
10:30 - arby's roast beef (just the meat) placed on 3 slices of brown rice bread with irish grassfed butter, and a cup of steamed broccoli.
5:00 - aby's roast beef (just meat) placed on 3 slices of brown rice bread, covered with 1 whole avacado slices.
8:00 - small plain cottage cheese, spoon of peanut butter, handful of blueberries
If I'm more active than usual I'll have another "small plain cottage cheese, spoon of peanut butter, handful of blueberries" around 2 o clock.
This diet has more nutrients than any other diet I have put together for myself in the past, and none of it is synthetic fortified. Infact, it has all required nutrients. Diet has about 160g carbohydrate, about 90g protein, and plenty of fat (eating fat does not = fat, by the way...)
due to the brown rice bread and arby's roast beef, my diet has LOTS of magnesium and zinc.. both minerals proposed to help with depression.
Comments
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When I suffered from ED, that's what I did... though I did it to the extreme, counting not only calories, but excersize time, how many calories were burned... and it kept me up at night thinking about it. You might just be passionate about nutrition, nothing to do with OCD whatsoever.
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Yes right, I do not think about excercise much and if anything I don't excercise enough, but slowly increasing my strength. Also most people with an ED will fear eating "fat" whereas I like to eat fats because it helps with hormone production.
I've been doing fair. Sometimes I feel "off". I have happy days though and I laugh and smile! I've been feeling stronger which is great. I still am careful not to push myself too hard. Lots of rest and relaxing. Trying to find a damn job, which has proven to be quite a task this year cuz I can't work just any job. I put up some more youtube keyboard songs of mine at (www.youtube.com/nikovandh) please listen, hope you like em :)
BTW I'm not taking any medications or herbs right now. I'm just eating a well balanced diet. Beef seems to have an antidepressant effect for me. Rich in zinc.
Comments
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I didn't know that beef could have an antidepressant effect on anyone, I will try that!
I'm really glad to hear that you're doing well, and remember, you feel your worst when you're pushed beyond your limits. Rest is what you need. And as far as the job search goes, millions of people are having trouble finding work, I'm one of them, but keep looking, one is bound to pop up when you least expect it!
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I listened to your keyboard songs they are real good my favorite one is: Preserverance
It sounds real calm and relaxing and I'm glad you are feeling ok.
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I can empathise with you re: the job hunting. I'm in the same boat.
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HAha beef. I actually get Arby's Roast Beef, take the buns off and eat my own brown rice bread on the side.
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Things will work out for you just like your moving into your new condo it might just take a little more time and in time you will feel better and good luck on finding a job too.
LKM1982