teenytania's Journal

I should thank the good lord above for the priveledge to be with my family and again today I was reminded of this again, even after me going thru surgery and still going thru recovery.  Feeling sorry for myself is getting me nowhere.  I found out last night that my mothers sister had a heart attack and is in the hospital.  She is OK now, they saved her life and again I am reminded this Christmas of how precious life is. 

I am sad because my sister is now in the juvenile detention center for at least six months and I will only get to see her for eight hours or so on Christmas and they will take her away again.  She has developed a problem with alcoholism and narcs and got caught in one of her temper tantrums and fled the police and they got her and took her in.  I shouldn't feel sorry for her but I do because she and I have been thru so much with our mother.  My father lives in Arizona, and I won't be able to see him at Christmastime, but I have my husband and three kids and thank the lord above everyday that I get to still be with them. 

I have been in and out of depression for the past couple of weeks of recovery and that is why I haven't wrote in a few weeks.  They have been weaning me OFF of my pain medication a month and a half after having a spinal operation.  I have been wondering if they are NUTS, they will give people painkillers for silly things, but when you have your back broke back into place they want to take away the one thing that helps with the everyday pain.  I am only on one medication now and in pain daily and now have realized that my knees are screaming with pain.  I use them instead of my back to take pressure off my back and now I have them screwed up too. 

I am also going thru the frustration of being kind of in between of being able to be independent and not.  My husband still has to help with a lot of stuff around the house and I get frustrated that I can't get quite back to being myself so I stay upset.  My best friend went back to college and work so she hasn't been there to talk to that much and I know that my husband is sick of hearing me talk about it.  That is why I come here and this has helped me get thru the tough times when there has been no one else to talk to.  People here understand and have been through the hard knocks...

I cried because the other day the local community outreach program called us and told us that a family had heard what happened to our family and that we really didn't have much local family to depend on someone has adopted our family and has decided to give us Christmas.  I wasn't sure how we were going to pay for Christmas for the kids because all of the hospital bills are coming in, so far I owe about $7,000 total for a $202,000 back surgery.  They are relentless too, especially at Christmas.  It's ridiculous when they call you and ask you if you can pay a thousand dollar medical bill in full that day.  If I was rich and had a credit card the stupid bill would have already been paid.  Something needs to be changed.  The only bad stuff on my credit is medical bills and I can't get a loan to pay off those bills, it's so stupid.  They shouldn't be able to count medical bills against your credit score.  It's like saying sorry your sick, but you can't be reliable about paying your loan back because you aren't made of money and owe Carilion too much money. 

Anyway, I think that the lord works in mysterious ways because everything seems to be working out as far as still having a place to live and food on the table and my husband will still have a job after he goes back after taking care of me, so I am thankful for that this Christmas. Thank everyone for listening to me ramble on and on and I hope everyone is doing well and I am sure that there is someone out there that understands exactly what I am going through.  Merry Christmas to all and hope to write some more before Christmas comes around.  We will be busy with Christmas parties and my daughters basketball and recitals.  Thank y'all. TT.