Today has been a day of improvements, …
Today has been a day of improvements, thank goodness. Rachel's ANC has jumped from a grand total of 30 yesterday, to …
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pstrevels 
8:36am, August 31, 2009
Hi all, well it has been quite some time since I have posted a journal. Really been sometime since I Have been on here as well. So first let me apologize to all of you for not being here to support you. I just got to that point where I knew I needed to let go, and try to move forward. And this place can bring so much sadness just seeing all the new widows and widowers on here everyday. I have come to the point of acceptance. But I still miss him like crazy. I am trying my best to start this new life, and find some happiness again. I look back all those months ago, and I think how did i make it this far. I never thought i could live without him. But when you lose them, you have to go on, there really isn't a choice in the matter. Not a choice that I would want to take anyway. I have cried so many tears, been angry so many times, depressed most of the time, and I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be happy like Ronnie wanted me to be. He was such a terrific husband, and i was truly blessed to have him in my life for 17 years. I don't know what God has in store for me yet, but I do know he has a plan. I have also learned that I could love again, so I feel like that is a big step on the road to recovery. And that is exactly what he wanted, me to love again. So I guess we will just have to see how that goes. Of course I would have to deal with the guilt of moving on, but in the end there really shouldn't be guilt. I loved him till death did us part. I will always love him, but this life is so very lonely. I just have so much love to give, and it would be a waste to keep it all in my heart. Well that is me 15 months later. What an improvement, still not quite there, but I have faith in God that i will get there. So I love you all very much, and you are in my thoughts and prayers everyday, Pam
Hi Baby,
I miss you, I still love you. And I know we will be together again someday,
love you always and forever,
Pam
UPDATED GOALS
find peace with his death
Progress 80%
Encouragements: 2
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I just said this same thing on Laura's journal: just like the old Mary Tyler Moore theme song, "You're Gonna Make It After All"
I'm so proud of you, Pam, for staying strong, keeping your love for Ronnie, and yet realizing that there is love in you that could go to someone new. I've always believed that you are stronger than you realize, and you have so much to give.
Love and Hugs,
Jan
jd1982
Glad to hear from you Pam. I know exactly how you feel about the site. I have felt the same way also, and I'm going on 22 months. It only seems like yesterday, with Steve.
We are all Gonna Make it, After all, just like Jan said.
It does stink, we have sooo much love in our hearts, but we loved.... our husbands.
love & hugs
mish
michellerobin
It's okay to step back sometimes, we all have to do that. I am glad to hear from you and that you are making progress. It's okay to move forward, it IS what they wanted for us. I hope things get better for you. Love and Hugs, Martha
cliffskat
thanks all of you for your support. I love all of you, and I have missed ya
pstrevels
Hey Sis, If this was college I think today you would being getting your degree. Lord knows you have earned it. When (many years from now) you get to Heaven, God is gonna tell you how proud He was of you during this time. You always put others first, and when i started to follow your lead, I started to heal. Thanks sis. To quote a Barry Manilow title "Looks like You Made It". Love ya girl.
laurahp
You are so right! What choice do we have. sending Luv, Sue
Sue0216