Today has been a day of improvements, …
Today has been a day of improvements, thank goodness. Rachel's ANC has jumped from a grand total of 30 yesterday, to …
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pstrevels 
8:36am, August 31, 2009
HI Honey,
You know I was so looking forward to this week off. I figured I would get some much needed rest and get some things done around the house. Well, definetly sleeping in. And some things are getting done. But honestly without you here this is the worst vacation I have ever had. Maybe I should've worked. Cause this week has been full of sadness, no fun. I have had so much time on my hands to think about our life together, and your death. Maybe it is a good thing I went back to work so quickly last year. Cause if I had been home who knows what the outcome might've been. Do you remember the vacation we took to Guntown Mountain and Mammoth Cave? We had such a wonderful time. Of course we didn't make it into the cave cause Troy was scared it would fall down and bury him. So instead we took the boat ride on the Green River. We loved the outdoors. Most people on their anniversary would go out to dinner but not us. WE just spent the day hiking at the state park, and ate a picnic together. Just you and me marvelling in God's beautiful nature. I thought about going for a walk in the woods this week. But it has rained alot. I would not trade one memory of our life together for anything in this world, not even the bad ones. Not a whole lot of bad, but there are a few. Sometimes we wouldn't see eye to eye on the boys. But at the end of the day, that didn't matter. Our love was strong and it could survive anything. I know what you are thinking, enough is enough honey. Get on with your life, quit crying over me. I am waiting for you, but you have to live until it is your time. Get out there and find that man I described to you, lol. Sorry honey if I have disappointed you, but not quite ready for that man. Don't really know if I ever will be. The way I look at it is I am still married, you just live somewhere else. And that wouldn't be fair to anyone else. But I guess I will leave that in God's hands. He sent me you, and if he intends me to find love again he will send me someone. And if you remember you told me that no one would ever take your place. How right you were. When God made you he broke the mold. I was truly the luckiest woman on this earth to be loved by you. And I miss that love so much. Well, I had better go for now. I will love you forever and always baby,
your loving wife,
Pam
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Pam, I'm so sorry that your vacation has not been restful and peaceful as you'd hoped it would be. It's understandable that you would spend alot of time reflecting on your's and Ronnie's life together with nothing to interrupt those thoughts all week. I'm sure in alot of ways it's been really sad for you but then on the other hand maybe it's what you needed. I'm not sure that it will help you to get past the intenseness of all that you've been feeling for so long. If nothing else it may just help you appreciate having somewhere to go each day - like to work. Because of all the other trials you're going through right now I know it only complicates your grief at this point in time. I wish there were some magic I could do to lighten your load but unfortunately there's nothing I can do from here but to hold you in my heart and send you all my love and keep you in my prayers. And my prayer for you would be this -
"Dear Lord, you have created this very special and loving lady. She has suffered such a tremendous loss, her darling Ronnie. You have him in your loving arms right now, dear Lord. Now I ask of you that you would be with Pam and hold her too. Send your grace to lift her spirits. Fill her heart with hope and peace. Give her what she needs to rise above this valley she is traveling through. Send a light to brighten her pathway as she travels this unfortunate journey. And most of all, please exchange at least some of her pain with a joy that only loving you can create in that empty place in her heart. Please tend to her tears and wipe them away, at least long enough so that she may see your light and follow it to a happier place one day. She's very special, Lord and deserves to get through this but she needs your help...Amen."
JudiB
Hey Sis, See we shoulda been saving Ms Judi from the jungle this week, then we would both have felt better 'bout ourselves. I think it is so wonderful that you have such great memories of your anniversaries. And it must be comforting to KNOW that your love for each other was strong enough to survive anything. You are living proof of that.
Its all gonna be okay sis. You are truly awesome and I love ya. Laura
laurahp
Pam - I don't have Judi's way with words, so I am copying her prayer for you and making it my prayer for you as well. Know that you are loved and and we would certainly make your sorrow go away if we had the power. But only One has that power, so...
"Dear Lord, you have created this very special and loving lady. She has suffered such a tremendous loss, her darling Ronnie. You have him in your loving arms right now, dear Lord. Now I ask of you that you would be with Pam and hold her too. Send your grace to lift her spirits. Fill her heart with hope and peace. Give her what she needs to rise above this valley she is traveling through. Send a light to brighten her pathway as she travels this unfortunate journey. And most of all, please exchange at least some of her pain with a joy that only loving you can create in that empty place in her heart. Please tend to her tears and wipe them away, at least long enough so that she may see your light and follow it to a happier place one day. She's very special, Lord and deserves to get through this but she needs your help...Amen."
Love You!
Jan
jd1982
He is waiting for you and as my Bob they would not want us to force our way to feeling better but to take it as it comes and simply make the best of it that we can. We have God's love and the wonderful memories of the lives we lived with our husband's and this is our strength and comfort. Be gentle with yourself and simply take it as it comes. Whatever you are feeling/thinking it is alright and it is what makes you who you are - the person your husband loved. Sending you good thoughts and gentle (((hugs))) Patricia
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