Softballgirl's Journal

Hi my friends sorry I haven't been here in a long time,I have been dealing with some sad and emotional things and I have had all I can do to just keep myself going,On July 2nd last thursday I had to put Jessie down she had cancer and she on tuesday night looked at me as if to be asking me permission to go I said its ok jessie baby mama understands you are sick and don't feel good,then on wednesday July 1st she had a good day didn't get sick but I had promissed her the day I brought her home July 26th 1996 that if anything happened to her that I would do right by her and wouldn't let her go through any pain and suffering and she didn't for which I am very thankful and I fulfilled my promise to her,she was tired and the cancer was eating away at her she did eat and drink however it was obvious that she had lost alot of weight,I stayed with her when she was sedated first and when she had the injection to be put to sleep it was very hard,she was the love of my life and she gave me 13 wonderful years and I surely couldn't have asked for a better pet,she gave me so much love,care,affection,compassion,attention,alot of fun times,she was supportive when I was down,she did such silly and funny things and though I am mourning still and it will take time I am thankful that I was there with her so she could see that I was there she wasn't going through it alone and just with strangers of course I was extremely sad and crying but the vet staff were supportive afterwards I stayed and held her,rocked her in my arms,talked to her and patted her she was so soft they always said what do you feed her she is so soft,I was sad because the person I really trusted with Jessie one of the techs Laura was on vacation and she was good to Jessie,I called Laura on monday when she returned to work and let her know that I had to put jessie down and she said I know Kim I am so sorry that I wasn't here to support you through this,I said its ok Laura it was time and Jessie asked me for permission to go,I will be going to see Laura on Friday I have some pictures to get give her with she and Jessie,I also had Jessie cremated and I should be hearing soon from them so I can go and pick them up,I had them put on the back of the box in loving memory of my beloved pet Jessie Kim Kirkwood 1/26/1995 7/2 2009  she was truly a blessing my best friend and my companion it was just she and I and she gave me 13 wonderful years.I miss her dearly and miss watching her sleeping and dreaming it was so cute,I will hold on to those good times and cherish the memories we had together.Thank You if you stopped by to read this I appreciate it,as I continue to mourn and have a hard time I know that I will be ok,on thursday night July 2nd as I went to bed and prayed I said god please bring jessie to my dreams and he did just that I saw her 3 times and once she was on my bed trying to wake me and get me up to feed herthe second time was she was sleeping in a glass baking dish on the floor and then she was sleeping on her napper so god answered my prayer and I am very spiritual anyway and have my own personal relationship with god and I really find comfort in knowing Jessie was at peace when she passed it was like she was looking at me saying thank you mama for doing this for me and she had a smile on her face ,God Bless you jessie may the angels watch over you and may you now watch over mama.I Love You Jessie and miss you so much Baby Girl.You will always be forever in my heart,cherished,adored,loved,missed.You were my heart and soul Jessie maybe some can't understand that but you were my family litterly and I appreciate you and thank you for all the joy and happiness you gave me.You were the best pet and oh so very beautiful,you lifted my spirits and when I was sad hurting depressed you'd do some silly thing that took me out of it and made me laugh,Thank you so much Jessie,I miss you everyday.Love your Mama.Kim PS for Jessie's last dinner at home and breakfast I gave her cooked shrimp and also starkist chunk light tuna in water her 2 favorite things and while I was spending time with her before the proceedure I fed her tuna off a spoon she was making a noise that I never heard her make in the 13 years I had her but it was cute I laughed and said Jessie girl your so funny.