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brokenkat 
So I haven't been here in a while. Busy busy life will do that. Before I start whining about how I'm currently feeling, I should give Praise, huge praise to God for healing me of my overreactions to food, chemicals, my environment! I received prayer after a week of being horribly afflicted with reactions to chemicals and was healed from those reactions. I still have allergies, but they are managable. Praise God!
Having said that I'm really struggling emotionally with not being a mom. Recent funerals, relationship struggles with friends, and my continual inability to conceive has all culminated in me being emotionally drained this week. I have cried every day since Tues. night and Weds. was a total basket case. I just am so tired, tired of being a failure at getting my PCOS undercontrol and getting my body to do what it's supposed to do, I've failed at being positive instead of negative, negative gossiping at work, I just can't control my tongue! I had been at peace briefly with "when it happens it happens" as far as kids, but totally am not in that place now. I'm totally in grief mode. We've been trying on and off for 5 years. Tried some stuff, but other things are way too expensive. And I don't want to think about foster/adoption etc. I'm not there yet. I want my own kids and don't know why it's so easy for others and sooo soo hard for me. I feel so alone in all of this!
God's good. I know. His plan is best. But it's sooo hard to live that out and be at peace with it.
