Journal

Third try and we just found out this morning BFP! I am so excited I can barely contain myself.

So third try and 2 ww now! I am just getting so nervous. I really want this to work. I don't know how long my DH and I can continue on with this. It is such an expensive process for us because insurance does't cover any of it! Its $1200 a pop and our savings isn't going to hold up for too long. I think we can get through 6 trys before the bank is dry. I don't understand how our government can not force Employers to provide insurance coverage for Infertility problems. I mean just look at all the lives that are affected by this problem. It makes me angry because their are so many people out there getting pregnant everyday that don't even want the children! There are so many women out there that just terminate their pregnancies because it is inconvenient to them. I just don't understand sometimes how God can let this happen to good people. i know that everything happens for a reason, but there are times when I hear things on the news like someone killing their child and I think why do they have the right to conceive but I can't. It is very frustating to see. Also, my friend who is 38 just got married in June and found out she is 12 weeks and she says she is happy, but doesn't really seem happy. If it was me I would be jumping up and down, but all she does is complain. I just don't understand life sometimes. Then I think my attitude is probably the reason why I haven't been blessed with a child that if I was a better person then I would be granted my wish. I just can't imagine my life without a child of my own. There is nothing medically wrong with my body. I am producing 3 to 4 eggs every month possibly 6 last month and have spent thousands of dollars in testing. The problem is my husband but I don't want to have children with someone else and I don't think he really could handle a donor situation, but I want to have a child of my own because I know that I can! I am just a horrible person.

I am 28yrs old and my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about a year and a half. We just found out that his motality is not good and we would have to get help medically to conceive children. I am so upset because he is not willing to spend the money to get help. He won't talk to me about this, he keeps just brushing me off. He is my best friend and I don't want children with anyone else, but I can't see myself not ever becoming a mother. I feel like I am being pushed into a wall. I don't know how to talk to him to make him understand how I feel. I want him to want this as much as I do, but he seems fine with it. What should I do????