phullphilled's Journal

Journal entry 11/3/09

This n That

I have had occasions since I wrote my last entry to write, I thought at the time something was happening or what I was thinking at the time. I know that does not sound right, but I am not thinking to clearly right now for some reason. Anyway, when I got around to writing, when I sat down to write nothing came out so I just did not do it. So I have come to conclusion I am just going to write when something is coming out. LOL, guess I need to get at what has brought me to my journal on this day and at this time.

For us older folks (in computer age) that are not to internet suave may not get this so ask someone that does if they know what face book is. Anyone I took a shot at getting myself on face book just because I was curious (as I have about most things in life) about what was the big deal about something. Also I have been told by doing things on a computer has been found to be a way to keep the brain from being lazy and not doing anything, so I joined Face Book.

I am doing the best I can on it. I set it all up and have done a couple of things on there. I like to do a lot of the things they have on there, like what kind of animal a person is and many other “what kind of things” type stuff. Also it is a place to add friends to and you then can keep up with what other people are doing. So I have done that and this is what has brought me to my journal this evening.

I think I have wrote before, I am not sure what I have said or how I said it, but I would say it by saying, my daughter, Angela and I have been at an impasse for some time, like maybe most of her life. I think the one of the best things I did, from my point of view, to make her laugh and just let her know that I was thinking about her, was when she was in college, I would by this old fashion post cards a person can find in stores with some old pictures on the front of them of people doing something. The pictures are not anyone a person would know just doing something, sometimes serious but most time goofy. I bought a lot of those and would write a funny story about what the people of the front of the post card were doing and would send them to Angie when she was in college and also when she first lived in St Louis when her husband, Scott and her lived there. I was surprised to actually see one of those goofy post cards actually up on a cord board in her kitchen.

Today for the first time since we came to the point we just did not communicate except when her Grandma (my mom) passed away and at Brandon’s wedding is the only time we have really seen each other. I think there was a couple of other times I have seen here when my family has gotten together.

Today I got a shock. On Face Book if you want someone to be your friend, you send them an email on face book’s site and ask them if they want to be friend’s and then they will say yes or no. Well Angie sent me an email via Face Book and asked me if I wanted to be a friend and wrote a note to say she had a lot of pictures of the kids on there and maybe I would want to see picture of them on there.

I lost it!!!! The tears just burst out instantly. I did not think or do anything for that to happen, it just happened. I guess I had pushed this whole situation so far down into myself so I would not feel anything. I confirmed that I wanted to be a friend and looked at the pictures. Scott and Angie have two children, Luca turned 6 in August and Alia, their daughter, they adopted a couple of years ago. I had not seen Alia at all until Brandon’s wedding and Luca had no idea who I am. It did not surprise me of that at all. Angie did come up and give me a hug but said nothing about Alia or Luca.

I just did not know how or what to do about the situation. So I had just left it go and was not going to try to do anything at all. But what happened tonight really stopped me and made me think. I went for a walk and thought about what I wanted and what I should do. I am not sure why Angie even sent the email to me unless it was her way of saying she wanted to do something to get us to have some kind of relationship. Brandon had told me that Angie had asked him if there was anything she could do to after she found out what is going on with my health. He said he told her, I think, that she would have to ask me or something like that. I am not sure when that happened.

After I came back from my walk and thinking, praying, thinking, praying and walking for about an hour. I came back and wrote her back via face book email that I wanted and needed her, Scott and the kids in my life. I do not have any expectations, I learned a long time ago in life, I am only responsible for the effort and not the results, time will tell. God Bless Phil & Flops