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phullphilled 
4:05pm, March 22, 2009
Another Flops moment this morning. My son (Beeps) sent me an email and I (Phil) tried to reply back to him with a just few words then Flops, decided to get involved and he got way off what I was going to write about. Sometimes my life is a circus, and I guess most people enjoy going to a circus from time to time. God Bless Flops and Phil
First of all, I am so sorry I did not check my emails yesterday afternoon because I would have been to your place for dinner last night, the food here is OK but no way can compare to your cooking!!!!! Do you have any left overs???? I am doing OK, I just write at times when my brain gets flowing over with stuff, I am not sure any of it makes any sense or not at times but it seems when stuff gets stuck in my head I have to get it out and the only way I can now days is by writing and once I write it down in my journal it is like I can just let it go and move on, it really helps me to cope and to make adjustment in my thought process and my every changing brain's changing the way it changes on how it functions!!! In ways it is very fascinating and an inside look on how our brains work without much knowledge at all when we have a normal brain but when it starts to malfunction and does not process like it used to, it opens up so many new challenges that no one at all can understand let alone the person that is dealing with these changes. So I try to sort things out whatever way I can as the confusion comes over me at times and that is to write. I bought a book by Richard Taylor Ph.D. I think I wrote a little about him in one of my recent journals. If not let me know and I can tell you a little about him. What is amazing to me of the little bit I have read in his book, the process he has gone thru over the last few years in learning to live with Alzheimer's in much like I am trying to deal with living the best I can. Except he seems to do a lot of thinking on what he will be like as time pass and how will he handle the changes. For what ever reasons I am not concerned about what the future holds for me. I know it will be challenging but I have no idea what the challenges will be for me so all I can do is think, write and do about what is happening today, the future is so unpredictable for me what good does it do for me to even begin to consider what my life may be like a week, a month and even more so a year from now. This is not something that I have to force myself to do, not think about the future, for some strange reason, I just do not have thoughts or concern at all about what it to come for me. I know I just need to put all my effort in to handling the challenges of today and as long as I can do that each day and come thru each challenge with a little understand on what I need to do to face the same challenges in the future with a little more caution and hopefully I will be able to handle them if and when they ever come up again, if not, so be it, I will just have to deal with it at that time. I did learn from your couples shower I went to, I do not do so well in get together where I do not know many people. I think I need to be sure there are some people around me that I am comfortable with and they know that I am dealing with this crap!!!!! I was concerned about the wedding but I know that there will be a lot of people there that know the situation I am in. Like my side of the family, I seem to do fine when I have gone to John & Kay's a couple of time and talk with our family clan, I am comfortable with them because they have known me my whole life. No one knows, and I do not expect any one to know, what it is like to have this disease and trying to navigate thru this complex world. I do well and I appear to just doing like anyone else on the outside from a person observing or talking with me. But on the inside, I can not describe at all what kind of acrobats my brain goes thru, in navigating thru the situation at the time. So I guess my answer to you is I am doing the best I can and what is so weird to me, I am not upset or depressed about what is going on with me. In ways I am curious and very busy in just trying to learn how to deal with my ever changing life. So strange to say or to be around me and it looks like to anyone around me I am just as normal as anyone else. I guess I kind of got of course here in your questions, but when Flops gets started sometimes, I just let it flow and write until nothing is left to say about whatever just flows from my brain to the puter. Flops is done with his thoughts, now I can answer your questions about Winston. YES I would be more than happy to take care of him. First of all, I am always available to help in anyway you need my help and I always am looking forward to doing what I can and it will be kind of nice to take him for a walk on Saturday night and Sunday morning, I will need to put it in my cell phone to set up reminders for me to do it but so far that is working for me.
Have a Great Day,
Phil
Phil Reinoehl
--- On Wed, 7/1/09, Brandon Reinoehl <breinoeh@yahoo.com> wrote:
From: Brandon Reinoehl <breinoeh@yahoo.com>
Subject:
To: "Phil Reinoehl" <phullphilled@yahoo.com>
Date: Wednesday, July 1, 2009, 4:46 PM
Dad,
Haven't heard from you in awhile and the last time I talked to you, you didn't sound so good. I just read you journal. Are you ok? Have you been ok?
I also have a favor to ask of you depending if you are going to be available on the 4th. We are planning on going to the lake for fireworks and festivities but don't want to take Winston. So, I'm wondering if you could come over and take him out Saturday night at any time like 8 -10 pm and on Sunday at about noon. If we come back early on Sunday, you won't need to come over. So, let me know. It would be greatly appreciated but also very much understood if you cannot or do not want to.
Also, I'm making spaghetti tonight. I don't know if you like it but you have had it before. Anyways, we always seem to have a lot of leftovers that don't get eaten. So, if you would like to come over for dinner, you're more than welcome to. It should be ready some time around 6:30 or 7.
Thanks,
Brandon
Comments
I think it;s great that you are able to let all that out with your writing and it's also probably good for Brandon (beeps) to see this more often, it will give him a better picture of what is going on with you.
You say that most people probably think your perfectly normal when they meet you and that is one of the things I struggle with when people are around Neal who do not know him. In relaxed situations, for short periods of time he does look, act and sound perfectly normal but people don't see the confusion and in his case fear that can come up in strange situations or when things just get to crowded and noisey.
Have a great holiday week-end, we plan on enjoying the sun if it's still around and on eating way to much bar-b-ques and other goodies. Hugs
GeorgiaW
Well, Phil, I think "Flops" has it right this time... as you can't re-live the past, and who knows what the future will bring, so we can only live "IN THE PRESENT", right? If I could only remember that and stop worrying about the future. Of course, I am a "worry-wart" honestly, as my father was one as well, so I suppose I just inherited this quality, for better or for worse -- yes, for worse, most of the time, lol.
Sounds like Beeps is as special as you are!
SafeNSerene