phullphilled's Journal

I am not a poet or artistic just wondering how many people would be expecting something that they are not going to get. This kind of makes me think of a lady that is having a very difficult time handling her Father getting along his alzheimers journey. I guess I have been so blessed being raised by my parents. I did not always think this way when I was younger, very confused (even more than I am now) about what is what as I took this journey called LIFE. At times I have heard people say while they are laughing saying we are born and we die. This is so true and I guess it is what we do between those two times of what we do. My parents raised all of us kids (9 of us) with the belief of a forgiving God and to have Faith and Trust as we followed our journey. I must say I really put a challenge to that over the years. I was the type of person that always had to prove whatever I was taught was either going or not going to work. Had to test the everything I was taugth that turned out to be right and needless to say I have found out a lot of wrong things along my path. The thing I am so thankful for to both my parents was a belief in God and that faith and trust in God. The power of prayer also has played a very important aspect of my life. I am not about to say I paid everyday and at first after I got on my own I only prayed when I got in deep do do. Did it work, it must have sooner or later cause I am still here. I did not pray for anything I wanted except for the God's power I needed at the time to accept whatever was coming my way and I found a lot of power from that cause I got thru many and I mean many of things that I could have not got myself into if I would have just lived they way they taught me. I have meet many people along my journey that are like me and many that are like what my parents taught, some of them, or should  I say most of them are my brothers and sisters that I have been blessed to have in my life to some degree. One thing I have learned about my family is we all come together when the worse happens. Like when my Mom got sick last year and passed away in Dec. I kind of had a feeling she was not who I knew at Mom and Dad's 65th wedding anniversary in Oct, she just seemed to be off in the distance to some degree, she still smiled and laughed at times but just did not seem to be with it. Then she started to really get worse at the end of Nov and went into the hospital in first part of Dec and passed away on Christmas Eve. Both Mom and Dad had a living will which I am so thankful for. Neither of them, nor do I, want to be kept alive after my life as I know it here on earth is close to being over. When I no longer can take care of myself and then my mind goes with it, do not keep me alive. When Mom went into the hospital the living will was given to the Dr's and hospital and all of us kids (8 of us left) agreed that is what we wanted for them and I really think they all were ready to let Mom go, she no longer could be that great Mom and grandmother that dedicated her complete life from the day Dad and her got married to the day she died to raise 9 kids and be the best she could be for her family. She once told me that is why Dad and Her were put here on earth was to raise and take care of us kids the best they could and they did. The last few  years all Mom would look forward to was getting everyone together at least once a year for everyone, kids, grandkids and great-grandkids to get togehter just for a day and she was happy to see them all togehter. At times some of the family could not make if for whatever reason but she knew they sure would be there if they could. I know everyone were their at the 50th anniversary and also at their 65th anniversary and I am sure at other times between those two wonderful milstones. It just puzzles me so much when someone gets to the point in their lives that they are no longer able to know what they are doing and also can not do anything physically able to do anything why their loved ones want to hang on to them. I know everyone has their own reasons and would guess it is a selfish reason, guilt of what has happened over the years, not treating Mom and/or Dad better than they did. I am sure there are other reasons. I have not been the greatest father, husband (more times than I am going to say LOL LOL) friend, worker and all the other things we are suppose to do along our journey. I also know it will not help to keep my alive when the alzheimers takes complete control of my life if that is the reason I die. Maybe I will die before that comes along, it is not for me to say. All I can do is to make each day the best I can for me and those around me each day. It is not about me and for to long I lived like it was about me and how wrong I was. When I focus on others I have really been a very good and caring person. Still made a lot of leasons (mistakes that a person learns from) when I was putting others first.  The biggest thing I did wrong was when I put myself first even tho I did not know I was doing that at the time. It is so easy to look back and see what I could have done a lot of things much different. Regrets yes I have them and I can do nothing about them.  Would I do things different, yes I would but that is not what life is all about. Life is about what we do today and only today. Learn from our leasons and appreciate our blessings we receive everyday. We have both each day if we just look for them and create the many blessings we have available to us if we just put other people first. I have had more blessing in my life in giving the little bit that I have than anything at all that I did with the main reason was for me to receive. I guess I am playing Monday morning quarterback. Speaking of quarterback, I was in the last graduating class at Ashley High School, we were going to join both Waterloo and Auburn to make Dekalb High School, new school was built north of Auburn. Anyway at first it was thought it would happen the year I was going to be a Sr in high school, Auburn always had a football team, and Waterloo and Ashley did not. When I was a Jr both Waterloo and Ashley started football, the best memory of all of my high school years. I loved playing football even tho my parents did not want me to play I finally got their permission to play. Ashley ended up over the 2 years we played with a record of 2-0-2 and ended up being the only school that went undefeated in its all time history of football. Very funny but true. Ashley a very small school also won the state cross country title I think was in fall of 1962 do not remember for sure, it was when my older brother, John was a Sr and Jim was a Jr. Ashley was the smallest school as far as enrollment to every win the state title, back in those years it was only one class ran again each other so Ashley beat all the schools in the complete state no matter how many kids were enrolled. Well sorry for no poems or artistic stuff well maybe a poem:

                               Roses are red

                               Violets are blue

                               You can not go thru life

                               Without getting the flu

Told you I was not a poet, but I can get some wisdom out of it if I really think about it. I had to had some humor for my warp sense of humor. All is well and will catch up with you later on. (I am really talking to Flops)

God Bless    Phil & Flops