Join Now
phullphilled 
4:05pm, March 22, 2009
Good Morning Everyone, First of all this is the second time I am trying to get this sent out. It is getting more and more difficult for me to move from one web site to another and use this maize of communication called the Internet. Then they throw on this thing called Face Book, Internet on your cell phone etc. This is hard for a person that was confused most of his life now I am legally confused. But I am going to try again and get this sent out to you because I am very sincere and spending the rest of my days working for this cause. Helping to find a cure of Alzheimer's. Of course that means $$$$$$$$$$.
I am getting involved with The Alzheimer's Foundation of America (AFA). I recently went to Chicago a gave a talk to a group at a convention at McCormick Place. I will continue to work with them as long as I can to help find a cure for this CRAP(just kidding I respect the disease and there for am doing as well as I can). Anyway, AFA is working with "We-Care" this holiday season to help raise money for AFA. All I am asking, PLEASE consider if you go on line and do any Christmas Shopping. (or any other kind of shopping).
All you need to do is go to AFA's web site http://www.alzfdn.org/ , go down to the middle of the page to the blue bar that says "November is National Alzheimer's Awareness Month. Under that bar to the right is says "A Time to Support the Cause" and just click on the little blue "click here" and it will take you to the next page. It will explain the very simple process to have anything you buy from the web sites you shop at anyway, will donate a percentage of what you spend to the AFA. It cost you nothing, except your time you put up reading this and going through the process of getting a percentage of what you spent sent to AFA.
You can do all this in less time than what it took me to get this put together. I more than likely will not be around WHEN they find a cure for the brain disease but it takes a lot of people who care and want to help, which means YOU. I am really laying it on 
.
. Thank you for reading and not matter what you do, thank you and as always, God Bless Phil and Flops
Comments
Journal entry 11/3/09
This n That
I have had occasions since I wrote my last entry to write, I thought at the time something was happening or what I was thinking at the time. I know that does not sound right, but I am not thinking to clearly right now for some reason. Anyway, when I got around to writing, when I sat down to write nothing came out so I just did not do it. So I have come to conclusion I am just going to write when something is coming out. LOL, guess I need to get at what has brought me to my journal on this day and at this time.
For us older folks (in computer age) that are not to internet suave may not get this so ask someone that does if they know what face book is. Anyone I took a shot at getting myself on face book just because I was curious (as I have about most things in life) about what was the big deal about something. Also I have been told by doing things on a computer has been found to be a way to keep the brain from being lazy and not doing anything, so I joined Face Book.
I am doing the best I can on it. I set it all up and have done a couple of things on there. I like to do a lot of the things they have on there, like what kind of animal a person is and many other “what kind of things” type stuff. Also it is a place to add friends to and you then can keep up with what other people are doing. So I have done that and this is what has brought me to my journal this evening.
I think I have wrote before, I am not sure what I have said or how I said it, but I would say it by saying, my daughter, Angela and I have been at an impasse for some time, like maybe most of her life. I think the one of the best things I did, from my point of view, to make her laugh and just let her know that I was thinking about her, was when she was in college, I would by this old fashion post cards a person can find in stores with some old pictures on the front of them of people doing something. The pictures are not anyone a person would know just doing something, sometimes serious but most time goofy. I bought a lot of those and would write a funny story about what the people of the front of the post card were doing and would send them to Angie when she was in college and also when she first lived in St Louis when her husband, Scott and her lived there. I was surprised to actually see one of those goofy post cards actually up on a cord board in her kitchen.
Today for the first time since we came to the point we just did not communicate except when her Grandma (my mom) passed away and at Brandon’s wedding is the only time we have really seen each other. I think there was a couple of other times I have seen here when my family has gotten together.
Today I got a shock. On Face Book if you want someone to be your friend, you send them an email on face book’s site and ask them if they want to be friend’s and then they will say yes or no. Well Angie sent me an email via Face Book and asked me if I wanted to be a friend and wrote a note to say she had a lot of pictures of the kids on there and maybe I would want to see picture of them on there.
I lost it!!!! The tears just burst out instantly. I did not think or do anything for that to happen, it just happened. I guess I had pushed this whole situation so far down into myself so I would not feel anything. I confirmed that I wanted to be a friend and looked at the pictures. Scott and Angie have two children, Luca turned 6 in August and Alia, their daughter, they adopted a couple of years ago. I had not seen Alia at all until Brandon’s wedding and Luca had no idea who I am. It did not surprise me of that at all. Angie did come up and give me a hug but said nothing about Alia or Luca.
I just did not know how or what to do about the situation. So I had just left it go and was not going to try to do anything at all. But what happened tonight really stopped me and made me think. I went for a walk and thought about what I wanted and what I should do. I am not sure why Angie even sent the email to me unless it was her way of saying she wanted to do something to get us to have some kind of relationship. Brandon had told me that Angie had asked him if there was anything she could do to after she found out what is going on with my health. He said he told her, I think, that she would have to ask me or something like that. I am not sure when that happened.
After I came back from my walk and thinking, praying, thinking, praying and walking for about an hour. I came back and wrote her back via face book email that I wanted and needed her, Scott and the kids in my life. I do not have any expectations, I learned a long time ago in life, I am only responsible for the effort and not the results, time will tell. God Bless Phil & Flops
Comments
-
What a moving entry. Miracles do still happen. My daughter and her father are estranged and I wish there was something I could do about it. He has not seen her oldest son since he was 2 and he is 16 now and the younger on which is ll he has never seen. Don't even know if he knows Camren exist. I have thought about dropping him a line with the boys picture in it but I am told that it is not my business to do.
I am so glad it has happened for you. You sound real good. I have not been in touch for a while. Sorry but I went through some real bad depression for a while and was not on DS much. Hope your message sits well with your dau.
The weather must be changing. I was not so good this summer at writing in my journal and now this is the second one in a couple of weeks. All of a sudden it seems my summer activity has come to a screeching halt. So I guess I am having more time to just sit around and let the brain flow.
I got to thinking how much has happened in the last year or so. How dramaticly my life has changed first for the worst that anyone could ever even think of happening, then for some very strange and enlightening reason for the best my life has ever been in the most important way.
I guess for such a long time I had no idea what I was suppose to be doing for many years. Just trying to figure out what this thing called "life" is all about. I still do not know, I just feel a lot better in not knowing than what I used to. I can remember many times I wished I would just die and get it over with because I was so lost at the time.
Now since I found out I have a disease of the brain that is not going to get any better, all of a sudden, for what ever reason I feel like I am living for the first time to the point of feeling such peace and comfort in the moment. My minister for years, Fritz, once told me as I was counseling with him that at some point in time if I could just "be" I would then understand a lot more. Now I understand what he was saying at that time about 20 years ago or so.
I am not in any hurry to be anywhere else except where I am at, at this very moment. I do not have any thoughts at all about what I am missing or how something should be different. I am not sure if this drastic change I have had has something to do with the Alzheimer's, a spiritual change or a little of both or nothing to do with either one. What difference does it make. NONE, I just am and that is just fine
What huge change I have made have change what I want to do with the rest of whatever quaility of my life I have left. Then from that point it all just started to happen. By stepping up to the plate and doing something with that part of me, from my heart and sould and follow those urges, it all just seems to be falling together. I only made one call to one person, Barbara Dzikowski (I had to look 3 times to spell her name right) at the Alzheimer's and Dementia Services office and said I wanted to help and then it all just kind of feel together. One thing lead to another, then another etc. It is really so weird to me of having this all happen. I do think that the apathy that a lot of people with dementia and Alzheimer's seem to have has kept me very humbled through all of this.
Just "BE" so simple but yet what does that mean. Beats me but I know what it means for me. Along this going from one thing to the next over the last few months I came to know about Memorial Hospital's program called Memorial BrainWorks. They have all kind of different programs and programs on having a healthy brain. The brain is an organ but most people do not treat it like an organ so it does not get taken care of as other organs we all have, is the easiest way for me to explain it. This program is about having a healthy brain. Since my brain is not as healthy as it used to be, I went to one of there programs called "The Wisdom Circle" It is a monthly get together for anyone that wants to come together and talk about one of the "108 Wisdom Principles" Now I am not about to explain what this is all about but if you are interested you can go on line to http://www.twoworldswisdom.org/pdf/108_WisdomPrinciples.pdf and print a copy of at least look through it.
I have been reading some of them and it really gets my brain really working which is very good for me. The more I work my brain, it is suppose to help slow up the progression of my disease. As I look at it what do I have to loose and everything to gain, some wisdom and also some more enlightment of what "life" may be all about.
The more I am reading and thinking the more I forget, just kidding. Hopefully I am absorbing enough of what it is trying to teach me that my brain does not have to be active for me to learn to live just a little bit better with out thinking.
As I call it learning new habits. Well I am getting a little overwhelmed and I have learned over the last few months when I start feeling this way, no matter what I am doing, I am much better off just to quit whatever it is that I am doing and just "BE" God Bless a lot of Phil and just a little of Flops.
Comments
-
You are amazing and inspiring and a blessing for many who are dealing with this disease whether as care givers or those who share the disease with you...I talk about you often and how you have not given up but keep working so your life has taken on new meaning and I know those I've shared "you" with all think your wonderful too.
I'm so glad your summer was busy but I'm also very happy to see you back online more often, really missed your journals and smiling face.
-
I appreciate your thoughts on life and being. I am also pondering what is life all about and what am I to be doing. I had a friend that died this summer. She simply went to bed and never woke up. She was only 51. It made me realize how quickly we can be gone. During my depressed times, I often wish that I would just die and be done with it but when I pull out of it I still feel I have so much more to give helping others. I will take a look at the principles.
I am glad you know when you have done enough and you listen. You are very good at taking care of yourself.
Past Entries
Goal Updated
I hope you WILLL be around, Phil and Flops...you are doing such amazing things and of course I will support Alzheimers Awareness Month.....as you know my father had this disease. You are an insiration - would love to link in with you on Facebook if you go on? Do TRY! lol............I am Judith Earnshaw on Facebook - Cathrynn is my pen name ofr when I was a journalist...huggggs Cathrynn XXX
Cathrynn