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And oh yes I'm very 'trying' at times infact so much so I even do my own head in at times and most days don't know which way is up 
but hopefully with a lotta help from my friends I'll get there eventually. Well today is the first one for a long time that I've felt relatively pain free so am gonna have a good spring clean and take my friends little pup over the park with my Elly, I'm puppy and house sitting whilst my friend Anne basks in the sun in Africa, oh the life eh mind you she works damn hard and deserves everything nice in life, she truly is the best and has/is doing so much for me, each time I mess up and pick up a drink I'm so riddled with guilt and self loathing it is absolutely not worth it, I never enjoy and it's a total wasted excercise anyway 'just for today' I'm gonna try real hard not to buy that bloody can of death and destruction, I'm having one of my 'up' days and am on a natural high so must make the most of it, will tune into DS a bit later for a more in depth chat so until then luv, hugs and kisses to one and all xxx
but hopefully with a lotta help from my friends I'll get there eventually. Well today is the first one for a long time that I've felt relatively pain free so am gonna have a good spring clean and take my friends little pup over the park with my Elly, I'm puppy and house sitting whilst my friend Anne basks in the sun in Africa, oh the life eh mind you she works damn hard and deserves everything nice in life, she truly is the best and has/is doing so much for me, each time I mess up and pick up a drink I'm so riddled with guilt and self loathing it is absolutely not worth it, I never enjoy and it's a total wasted excercise anyway 'just for today' I'm gonna try real hard not to buy that bloody can of death and destruction, I'm having one of my 'up' days and am on a natural high so must make the most of it, will tune into DS a bit later for a more in depth chat so until then luv, hugs and kisses to one and all xxxUPDATED GOALS
to stay in recovery
5 days sober
Encouragements: 3
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Like a fool actually put myself in a position to use again ie went back to visit my ex in sth london and boy was it yet another bad experience, the only good I can find is that I didn't milk it and only stayed the night mind you it was 'only the night' twice in a matter of one week OUCH. I smoked crack cocaine, smoked heroin and drunk a few cans and yes is was ok at the time but very short lived and felt like shit the next day after only a few hrs sleep but then back home to my good friend Anne who aint gonna be a friend much longer if she finds out what a coneiving, lying, deceitful bitch I can be when it comes me and my drug/drink abuse. Oh hell what do I think I'm doing, who at the end of the day am I fooling? me, myself and I that's who and there aint gonna be much 'I' around for much longer if I go down that same road YET AGAIN. Shit what the hell am I???????????
UPDATED GOALS
to stay in recovery
0 days sober
Encouragements: 3
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dont quite know why im callin for help coz im startin to truly believe im beyond it 
yeh thats how i feel like just now, yellin at the top of my voice and i prob would if i didnt have such a godamn hangover this am, yeh, fell off the wsgon last night and his my friends jamaican rum OUCH no wonder i got me such a humungous headache, so wot do i go and do? i take a tablet then pour another one, hair of the dog and all that, whilst we're on the subject who the hell came up wiv that one? hair of dog indeed, never did work, never will work and quite obviously created by an alcoholic yes, me think another yell's in order. oh well don't want to bore anyone wiv my ramblings guess i'll just sit back and wallow in self pity for a while then get my arse into gear and take my best friend and love of my life to the park, that's my beautiful dog/honi Elly 
hugs to all just hope my mega mess up has been some help to anyone whose thinkin bout pickin up DON'T DO IT.
yeh thats how i feel like just now, yellin at the top of my voice and i prob would if i didnt have such a godamn hangover this am, yeh, fell off the wsgon last night and his my friends jamaican rum OUCH no wonder i got me such a humungous headache, so wot do i go and do? i take a tablet then pour another one, hair of the dog and all that, whilst we're on the subject who the hell came up wiv that one? hair of dog indeed, never did work, never will work and quite obviously created by an alcoholic yes, me think another yell's in order. oh well don't want to bore anyone wiv my ramblings guess i'll just sit back and wallow in self pity for a while then get my arse into gear and take my best friend and love of my life to the park, that's my beautiful dog/honi Elly hugs to all just hope my mega mess up has been some help to anyone whose thinkin bout pickin up DON'T DO IT.UPDATED GOALS
to stay in recovery
0 days sober
Encouragements: 3
Add your supportPast Entries
| June 2008 |
Saturday, 6/28
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Monday, 6/23
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Sunday, 6/22
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Saturday, 6/21
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Wednesday, 6/18
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Tuesday, 6/17
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Monday, 6/16
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Tuesday, 6/10
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Goal Updated
i always say jump on the horse and continue hon dont look back we all do wrongs but if we can fix them its good love yaxxx
kate46